Let There Be Light

Nowadays, I can safely call myself an optimist. You know, someone who sees the light in the situations — awkward scenarios, and life taking unexpected turns that left me thunderstruck. While they were the cause for worry, I always made sure that going in, hey man I try to make the best of that. I try to sit down and come up with a plan to make things better. After all, sometimes it can turn out great? Right?

With that being said, what makes someone an optimist?

To me, someone who considers themselves to be an optimist is someone that always looks to the bright side to things. She is someone who sees the benefits, which outweigh the overall pitfalls. She is also someone who sees the glass as being half full versus half empty.

For example, let’s say you’re asked to work on a Saturday or holiday. Let’s be honest — it sucks working on a Saturday. Looking on the bright side though it’s more cash in your wallet.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about optimism and pessimism. I’ve been surrounded with a lot of pessimists and people that see the downright negative in every single thing that they are surrounded with. Sometimes, I try to be the light in their darkness. Like, if a friend is complaining about something that she frequently complains about, I try to get her to see the positive or ask her what’s good about her day. However, at other times, I just try to shake it off as being an eclipse on my otherwise sunny day.

However, becoming an optimist wasn’t easy. It was the result over a year of therapy. You see, when I first entered therapy, I was as a pessimist through and through. My world at the time was full of darkness, and I wanted nothing more than to poke my heads through the storm clouds and bask in the sunlight.

My therapist taught me how to make my own damn sunlight. She would constantly ask me whenever I would complain about something, well what was good in your day? Eventually, that became a thought I’ve began to ask myself. Sometimes, whenever I would have a bad day, I would go to my journal and write a list of all of the good in my life.

With that being said, I’ve learned that while I am not in control of circumstance, I am in control of how I attack scenarios. Therefore, I try to make the best out of it. I try to smile. I try to think of ways to change it, and remember that everything does happen for a reason. And, I may not know that reason at the time, but hopefully I’ll figure it out.

Most importantly, though, I learned that I can choose to be the light or the darkness. So, I choose to be the light. After all, the sun poking out of the clouds after a lengthy storm is the first sign that it’s over right?

Right. That’s why they call it calm after the storm.

It’s Not THAT Bad To Be Single

“Why are you still single?”

Oh, how I hate that question.

It goes along with being told “one day you’ll find someone.”

I have to bite my tongue

to avoid saying “shut the hell up.”

I’m glad to know your only accomplishment in life

is just being in a relationship.

That’s great,

but I have better things to do with my time

like meeting the band Kansas,

or working at the copy desk at the Hamden Journal.

 

It’s not that I am choosing to be single.

It’s just how it happened.

Sure, I can download Tinder.

Or, I can go on OKCupid.

But how do I know that the guy is actually worthy?

You don’t get that much information before you swipe.

Or, better yet, how do I know he’s not going to kill me?

I’m not suspicious,

but my best friend is always on the app,

and she manages to find people that look

like they are a sex offender

or belong in a prison line up.

Since online dating isn’t my thing,

one may suggest going out to meet new people.

Bars involve wearing clothes that are a bit too tight

and even then, you don’t know what they are thinking.

They may like you,

or they may want you to be their next one night stand.

Or, they just might want you to go away.

After a long day, a bar’s the last place that I want to be.

I wish I can find my future husband watching Netflix.

I don’t plan on being the crazy cat lady,

or the woman that’s obsessed with the career.

Maybe it’s fear that’s keeping me from talking to the cute guy in class,

because he may not actually have a crush on me

or he may just be gay.

Well, that might be awkward if I asked him out,

like that time when I asked Gabriel for his phone number,

later learning that he was in fact gay.

Why can’t he just ask me?

Romantic comedies lie.

But you see,

relationships are all just a game.

The winners are those couples,

you know the ones who constantly post selfies on social media,

or have someone to cuddle with on a Saturday night.

But, my day will come,

where I’ll meet someone to post selfies with to annoy everyone

and I’ll have someone to cuddle with who doesn’t have four legs

and floppy ears.

There Is A Time

I truly believe that there is a time for everything.

There is a time to radiate in the rays of love’s happiness,

and enjoy the fortune of finding someone.

There is a time to mourn love’s departure,

teardrops staining your cheeks as you say a final goodbye.

There is a time for hellos,

just as there is a time for goodbyes.

 

I discovered that life is nothing but a balance —

a perfect mixture of ying and yang.

Dark is equal to light,

just as good balances the bad.

No matter what, it always evens out.

Almost, always.

 

Maybe this is why everything happens for a reason —

you know some unknown one that I don’t understand.

And, perhaps, I never will.

So, this is why I no longer fight it.

This is why I enjoy the ride.

This is why I no longer feel despair when things go wrong.

That thought comforts me, and guides me through.

 

So, maybe I don’t understand that reason as things happen,

but it serves as a guide to navigate through life’s choppy waters.

And, that somehow is enough.

The Right Relationship Goals To Have

If you are on social media, I am sure that you are familiar with the hashtag, #RelationshipGoals. If you are not, let me fill you in: relationship goals are usually tweets or pictures — usually unrealistic — of a couple behaving in a certain way. For example, they usually consist of a guy showering a girl in some materialistic way.

Recently, I saw a tweet on Twitter about one girl’s relationship goals. They consist of: flowers and money for the girl to get a pedicure. Even though I wouldn’t necessarily condemn that, a part of me thought it was kind of nice. Don’t get me wrong — it’s easy to get your own pedicure. However, having a guy that showers you in that sort of way is completely heartwarming — and should go both ways.

But should those be relationship goals?

Maybe.

I think that having a relationship where your partner does things — from time to time — that make you smile is awesome. These are little things — like surprising them with their favorite food on a night that they are stressed out, buying flowers to celebrate an accomplishment (or just because), or writing a note to them. These little things are so important in a relationship, at least in my opinion.

But, should that be the only relationship goal that we have?

Absolutely not.

I think that the relationship goals that we have individually should differ from person to person. It should consist of the following: what you need in a relationship, qualities that your partner has, how you wish to be treated by your partner, and so on.

Those goals are so much more important than being surprised with a teddy bear. Having these goals in place when you’re dating is important so you can know what you want — and not settle for anything less.

And, let’s be honest. Dating is rough. By knowing what you want makes things a million times easier.

 

6 Simple Ideas to Help Deal With Anxiety

For the past few years, I’ve been struggling with the effects of anxiety as they fluctuate up and down. However, it’s safe to say that anxiety will always and forever remain to be a part of me.

Over the years, the way I have dealt with anxiety has changed tremendously. When I first began experiencing panic attacks, the only way I could deal with them was to hysterically cry in the corner. Try doing that in the middle of a college campus. With that being said, I developed (thanks to my therapist) a list of methods to help cope with anxiety so I don’t have extreme panic attacks.

Are you experiencing anxiety? Here’s some things I do to manage it for you to try. Disclaimer: just because they worked for me doesn’t mean that they are something that could help you. Everyone with anxiety deals with it differently, these methods just help with mine. 

  1. Write in a journal.

I’ve been writing for as long as I could remember. It kind of makes sense whenever I am feeling down that I resort to journal writing (or poetry) whenever anxiety strikes. Typically, I write every single emotion that I’m feeling. Once it’s on paper, I feel better. Usually.

2. Talk to friends.

Over the past two years, I’ve had friends (or significant others) who I would turn to whenever I was feeling upset and need someone to cry to. I am so grateful to have a cast of characters in my life to hug me when I’m feeling upset or anxious to remind me that everything is going to be okay. Usually after talking to someone I trust, I almost always feel better.

3. Drink a lot of water — and less caffeine.

Let’s be honest, I love my Starbucks. And, my Panera. And, my Dunkin. What can I say? I’m a coffee drinker? However, I notice that when I drink coffee I tend to feel more anxious. So, I’ve been cutting back on the coffee, and drinking more water. It’s definitely helpful.

One of the things that my therapist actually told me to do is to drink more water whenever I’m feeling anxious. That is something that I’ve been doing lately, and it helps a lot. Plus, staying hydrated has some great health benefits as well.

4. Get a spinner . . . something.

I have a spinner ring, and I wear it on days when I know my anxiety is going to be higher. Having that ring is super helpful because it takes my mind off of whatever is causing me anxiety — and it’s really fun to play with.

Over the summer, one of the fads was to have a spinner toy. Those are extremely fun to play with when you’re anxious because it draws your attention away from what’s bothering you, and you’re doing something fun! 10/10 would recommend.

5. Be positive.

Have a Mantra that you repeat to yourself whenever you’re having a panic attack. You know something positive that reminds you that everything is going to be ok.

Looking for inspiration? Some ideas include:

  • Just Breathe.
  • Everything happens for a reason.
  • Everything will work itself out.

6. Have a distraction.

This is when puppy videos come in handy. Cute things always invoke a smile on my face. This is why I follow so many Snoopy and puppy accounts on Instagram.

Basically, if something makes you smile, it’s definitely worth having around — and indulging in having more of it in your life!

Remembering 9/11

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New York, April 2016

I was only seven years old when the planes crashed into the Twin Towers 16 years ago. At seven, I didn’t comprehend what exactly happened. I remember it being a typical school day. I remember my grandparents were on their way to some bus trip, leaving the job of picking me up to a neighbor. I remember that it was my Uncle Joe’s birthday.

However, I knew something was wrong when my mom was there to pick me up that day. I remember asking her why? And, then she had told me what happened that day — two planes had hit the Twin Towers and the Pentagon. I remember going home and she never left the television set.

At seven, I didn’t know how horrific the events of the attacks were. At 23, after watching the footage and hearing the stories of those who lost loved ones in those attack, I definitely do.

9/11 was without a doubt a tragedy. It brings tears to my eyes when I hear the stories of people who lost loved ones: parents, spouses, children. 9/11 will forever be cemented in our lives as something that changed our country forever, and this is why it should be never forgotten.

Today, I remember that day, and how oblivious I was to what had occurred. Today, I honor those who risked their lives just to save others — the New York City Fire Department, civilians, etc. Today, I pay tribute to my country, and proclaim that I am proud to an American.

Even though I didn’t comprehend it much at the time, I vow to #neverforget 9/11. I vow to #neverforget the tragedy, the loss, and the families who lost a loved one.  I vow #neverforget the bravery the NY fire and police department.

#neverforget 9/11.

Opinions on Opinions 

We all can agree that everyone on this earth is born with one thing — an opinion. That opinion is formed by several things including: experiences, education, surroundings, beliefs, religious affiliations, and your likes and dislikes. This is why each and every one of us on this planet have a different thing. 

And I think that it is excellent. It should be something that we all should rejoice and celebrate. Instead, in my recent experiences, it has now become a catalyst for an ugly debate — one that ends up turning into an exchange of “you’re wrongs” and other brutal words. 

What is even more upsetting is that I know people who are scared to voice their opinions because they are afraid of the backlash. 

I think that’s the worst thing ever. 

Nowadays, there is an abundance of diverse opinions that are floating around. This is especially true with the increased usage of social media, as you can log online and see someone’s opinion right on your newsfeed. Sometimes, it can be like going into opinion overload, as you can read over 10 different opinions before having your morning coffee. 

Yikes. 

With that being said, there’s also another pitfall of social media — the ability to comment. With every post, there’s always a list of comments. For example, I recently wrote an article on CTBoom about Why There Shouldn’t Be Another Season of Gilmore Girls. I belong to a Gilmore Girls group on Facebook, and posted it to help generate more views, in addition to conversation. Half of the comments were statements that I was wrong. The other half were people trying to tear me down because of my writing. 

Well then. 

I wasn’t asking for them to agree. I just was interested in what they had to say. It truly bothered me that it resulted in insulted. And, of course, I wanted people to read my writing. 

And it was brought on by people who shared a different opinion than myself! 

When that happened, it really got me thinking. Do we live in a society that results in insult when we don’t agree? Whatever happened to be in a coexisting melting pot? 

My ideal society is one that allows everyone to vocalize their opinions without the fear of being hounded. This includes: political affiliation, religious beliefs, and about whether or not they like a certain song/tv show/movie. It bothers me to no end when a Hillary supporter yells at a Trump one because they don’t agree. Instead of yelling, let’s listen. Let’s have a discussion to learn why they feel that way. And, most importantly, let’s respect the different opinions that come on our newsfeeds. 

Maybe that’s an unrealistic utopian society. However, one can dream. 

Why I Did Not Like The New Taylor Swift Song

I was watching the VMAs, and was one of the many people who tuned in to watch Taylor Swift’s newest music video, Look What You Made Me Do. And, after watching the video, it left a bad taste in my mouth. However, before you hound all over me, Swfities please just hear me out. I’m a huge Taylor Swift fan, and I loved all of her five albums. In fact, I joke that Taylor Swift is my guilty pleasure. But, with that being said, this new Taylor isn’t for me.

The song is undoubtedly about Swift’s feud with Kayne West and Kim Kardashian West, and the video is a response to the criticism that Swift received post-feud. In addition to that, it’s also a response to the many things that haters say about Swift.

After all, the video starts off by saying “here lies Taylor Swift’s reputation.” And, has all of the past eras of “Swifts” coming together to voice the criticisms that Swift has — that she likes playing the victim, that she’s a snake, and of course, the fact that she isn’t even that nice.

Now, I’m not their biggest fans myself. However, I believe that a song about the matter is both immature and just an opportunity to start more drama.

However, I get why Taylor wrote the song. And, I like the song, don’t get me wrong. It’s pretty catchy, and the lyrics are amazing. However, to me this seems like a song that should stay in private — not on the radio.


Of course, part of Taylor Swift’s charm is the fact that she writes songs about her life. As a writer, I get that. A huge part of being a writer of any kind is using it as a cathartic release of emotion. However, just as I wouldn’t write something personal and vindictive on my blog, Swift shouldn’t have released that song.

What I would have liked to see instead is someone singing about rising about hardships, and just “shaking it off” what haters have to say. But, at the end of the day, you do you Taylor.

If the old Taylor is truly dead, then I’m a little unsure if I like this new one. But, I have high hopes for Reputation, out November 10.

The Highs and The Lows

About a year ago, I began to write this blog — well rather post more frequently than before. At the time, I wanted somewhere that was my space to write, and something that I wanted to really blossom into something big.

One year later, it is bigger than I could have ever imagined. 101 (102 counting the one that I am writing now) posts and almost 3,000 views later, it is safe to say this website is truly my corner of the world.

And, I ain’t going nowhere.

I’ve been thinking about where I was in life when I first started this blog. I was mending a broken heart. I was beginning to start my final semester of college. I was moving forward with my anxiety, and at last, truly getting better.

It’s been one hell of a year — one full of both ups and downs. The ups — graduating college, finding a job that I love at a local radio station, and surrounding myself with people who help me float. The downs– learning to forgive those who have hurt me, accepting the consequences of mistakes, learning about the right and wrong place to work, and jewelry and metals class. However, the truth is that I am truly happy with everything that is going on in my life — even if I don’t post as much as I would like.

A coworker once commented that I am always happy and smiling whenever he saw me. And I am. I’m happy to be at a place where I am truly happy. I am happy with my job. I am happy with the people who I surround myself with. And, I am leading a life that is balanced as much as humanly possible.

Two thumbs up, I must say.

However, over the past 365 days or so, I realized something. Life is full of highs and lows. As Aerosmith says in the song “Dream On,” “sometimes you’ve got to lose in order to win.” And, I fully believe that is 100 percent true. You’ve got to know how hard life can get, just so you can appreciate the good times when they come.

Furthermore, I believe the rough times in life — the times of doubt and confusion — are what defines your character. It doesn’t matter what hand you’re dealt with. What matters what your next move is. For me, it meant learning about how to take the wheel in my life. For me, it was about learning about what I wanted, and vocalizing it. For me, it was working my mental muscles to become stronger.

And, as for the anxiety, I think it’s better than when I first went down road two years ago. Anxiety will continue to plague my life, without a doubt. But, it’s up to me to let it define me. At the end of the day, I am not my mental illness. I am not a panic attack. I am Natalie. In fact, I gave a sermon declaring that very thing last November. 

So, here’s to the highs. Let’s enjoy every ‘feel good’ moment and good vibe that comes my way. And here’s to the lows. In those moments, let’s remember that we can power through with a smile and a feel good attitude that we can get through.

And, here’s to us. You — the reader — and, me — the person sitting behind this computer blogging. Together we made one year of blog posts happen. We’ve also made a difference. Here’s to another year of doing exactly that.

Focus Less On Others’ Opinions, More On You

There are so many people in this world who seem to have an opinion. Well, that’s understandable, because everyone has one, although some are more outspoken to share it then others are.

With all of these opinions floating around in the air, it is easy to follow the sounds of those voices, rather than listen to your own. As a disclaimer, when you do that, you often become unhappy. And, isn’t the point of life is lead one to be happy, whether or not it pleases the people around you?

It’s easier said than done. Many people who have opinions often come from weird sources. For instance, many people often believe the notion that if they were able to do that without problem, you should too.

For example, when I was in college, I took four classes instead of the typical five that was recommended. However, I found it difficult to manage working at a newspaper, working at another job, and managing a course load that size. Therefore, I took four classes for my last three semesters, just because it was what I could manage and still maintain a healthy and balanced lifestyle.

Many people often questioned why I was doing that. A few comments that I got included: why don’t you want to get the classes out of the way so you can graduate on time? Aren’t you wasting money when you can get an extra class out of the way? Can’t you just get better at time management? Don’t get me wrong — I appreciated hearing everyone’s input on how I should do things. Those were some things that I considered. I did have to graduate a semester later because of it. I also talked about it with my mom — who was paying my tuition — who said that it was fine to do so. And of course, I used a planner and wrote everything down.

What no one asked me was how I benefited from doing that. Because I had less classes to focus on, I managed to get the best grades in my entire college career — I’m talking a 3.85 GPA.  

Overtime, I began to realize something. The less I tuned into what everyone else had to say about how I lived my life, the more I enjoyed it. Therefore, I believe you should focus on one thing — on doing what makes you happy.