Why aren’t you getting back out there?
Why can’t you just get over it?
It’s not a big deal — just go on a date.
Do you still love him?
Everyone seems to have an opinion —
it is something they insert in when not wanted.
But, they didn’t know. . .
They didn’t know what it was like —
to have lie about why he couldn’t go there,
to have someone think that they are entitled to your body,
or to have to explain why you’re not ready.
They didn’t see you throw up as he forced your hand.
They didn’t hear you cry as he gave you that ultimatum.
You see, no one understands that.
Maybe it’s my fault.
Maybe I should have opened my mouth.
Maybe I should have told someone.
But, what if they didn’t believe me?
What if I was the weird one, and he was normal?
You see why I carried my secret on my back.
Years later, I’ve turned into a beast —
locked up in my tower of isolation,
waiting for someone to touch my rose.
Despite my longing for light,
I still felt like it would happen —
my body a currency to keep the relationship afloat.
His words still repeating,
why can’t we just have sex,
again and again until I can’t take it anymore.
When I cover my ears,
I can still see those moments in high definition.
I can never escape.
Not that I had to explain it to you,
but that’s why I am not going out on dates.
If it were you, you would do the same.