Page 96

24

Today is my 24th birthday. If you’ve been following me since the beginning of my blogging days, you know that every year, I write a post about the age I am turning. In addition, I also write about some reflections, and maybe some goals I have for myself.

24 to some of you may think 24 is a baby. Others may think it’s old. I am one of the latter. I am now in my mid-20s. I am no longer a fresh-faced college student. I am now an adult – whatever that means. When I was younger, I thought that being in my mid-20s would mean that I had my life together. Well, I can assure you that’s not exactly the case. I still sometimes don’t know what I am doing. And, that’s okay.

This past year, I’ve made a lot of big steps. I joined the Arts Commission in my town. I also bought a car – my very first new one on my own. During this year, I had disappointments, and I had celebrated successes. I even managed to make it on the radio.

As I turn 24, I decided to set some goals for myself. The first is to get my finances and credit in order. One way I can do this is to start saving money, and stop spending it stupidly. When I bought my car, I nearly drained my savings for the down payment. I never really gained it back. Furthermore, I have a habit of living paycheck to paycheck and purchasing things that I may not necessarily need.

So, with that being said, I’ve decided to work on that. My first plan of attack is to stop shopping at QVC – or at least stop putting so many things on Easy Pay. Over time, I can easily spend over $100 on my payments. Good news, after July, it will go down to half.

Secondly, I want to make it a habit to put more in my savings. Since I get paid weekly, I want to put a portion of my check into my savings before I even can spend it. Even though it might not equal much, that little bit does add up.

Another way I want to do this is to help pay my car off – or get closer to doing so. I currently pay more than my payments are every month. However, I want to begin to increase those payments by a bit. That way, I can get closer to paying it off.

Another goal I have for myself is to make me a bigger priority. As my responsibilities continue to grow, sometimes I realize that I put me on the bottom of the list. So, this year that’s going to change. Whether it may be taking my full lunch break or including a bath gel when taking a bath, I am going to do my best to take care of me. Sometimes it’s not easy to do so, but it’s really important. After all, if I am not going to take care of myself, then who is going to? Asking for a friend . . .

So, 24. So far, it seems like it’s going to be a pretty good year. I guess you’ll have to wait until I write 25 to know for certain.

Learning to Be Nice To Yourself

Have you ever had one of those moments where you feel like you just can’t get anything right? You know, when you’re struggling just to get something down pat, only to fail. And father than allow yourself the mistake, you beat yourself up for it?

You’re not alone, here. I do it too.

With that being said, how to we nip that habit right in the bud? How do we, instead of getting frustrated with ourselves so easily, learn to take a deep breath and say, it’s okay. I can do this.

I say, with practice. Naturally, it’s easier said that done. But, I bet you can do it.

Okay, so how?

Let’s take when you’re new at something, for example. Often, you don’t pick something up right away. Do you remember when you first learned how to drive? Chances are, you didn’t do perfectly the first second you got behind the wheel. However, over time, you’ve managed to not only brake easily, but also feel comfortable driving around other cars. Therefore, we have to learn that since we’re new at something, we need to give ourselves a chance to get used to everything — whether it may be a new job or even a semester.

Patience, people.

Furthermore, we also need to work on learning to be nice to ourselves. That means giving ourselves a break when things don’t go right. That means changing our inner dialogues so that we can instead focus on what we learned from the mistakes that we made instead of yelling at ourselves. That means changing our outlook.

It also means giving ourselves a break.

At the end of the day, not everyone is perfect. Not everyone is going to be the top of the class, or adapt to something easily. And, that’s okay. It doesn’t meant that they aren’t good at it. It means that they are human.

Therefore, everyone — myself included — should take note.

Book Review: Save The Date by Morgan Matson

Your wedding day is the one day where everything is supposed to go right. At least, you hope so.

However, that’s not the case with Charlie’s sister’s wedding in Morgan Matson’s Save the Date. Between a fallen wedding cake, a faulty alarm, and a wedding planner that hits the road the day before, it seems like the day can’t go right. With that being said, Charlie is excited because she gets a chance to hang out with all five of her siblings altogether — even estranged sibling Mike.

35156849_10216557326354024_899102728553234432_n — My copy of Save the Date — it’s a signed edition!

But the wedding isn’t the only craziness that is happening in Charlie’s life. In addition to preparing for her sister’s wedding, she’s getting ready for college and figuring out where she is going to go next year. Her parents are selling their childhood home, and the comic strip that her mother had worked on for the past 25 years is now drawing to a close as well.

With that being said, this novel isn’t about a wedding or a happy family. I mean it is, but it’s so much more than that. It is also a coming of age, watching a woman grow up kind of story. I mean, throughout the novel you watch Charlie mature, whether it may be coming to the light with her childhood crush, or seeing her siblings with their faults — not as superheroes.

Overall, I thought that this was a great book. Usually, whenever I read a book where everything seems to go wrong, I begin to get frustrated. This was not the case. Tucked between the mini disasters were those heartfelt family moments that only come with the wedding territory. For instance, the Grants played capture the flag the night before Linnie’s wedding.

In addition, I enjoyed how the different story lines flowed. There’s a lot going on in this novel. You have the wedding, you have Charlie figuring out where she stands with Jesse and where to go to college, and the house being sold. But, there’s so much more than that. For instance, you have the end of Charlie’s mom’s comic, Grant Central Station. You see an unexpected romance form. And, you see one end.

What was also cool — and something that Matson always does in her books — was that you get to see a character in a previous novel. This time, you see Andie Walker from the Unexpected Everything. In addition, you see her father, who is now the governor, make a few appearances. I always love it when authors do that — it’s kind of neat to see how your favorite characters in your novels are, without reading another book about them.

However, while I enjoyed the book, I still wondered if it was realistic. Having never really been in a wedding or have gotten married, I wouldn’t have experienced the trials of planning a wedding. But, for all of you who have, let me ask you this — it is realistic for everything to go wrong on your wedding day?

Other than that, it was definitely one of my favorite reads of the year. Furthermore, if you’re a fan of Sarah Dessen, Jenny Han, or Jennifer Smith, than Save the Date should also be on your summer reading list.

Two Different Worlds?

Recently, I’ve accompanied my mom on a trip to our local nursery where she had been going for several years. She started talking to the owner, with whom she has grown to be friendly with (which comes with the territory when you’ve been going to the same place for several years now). The two discussed work, parents, and then went onto children. It was then my mother said something interesting.

Now, let me give you a little background information so I don’t leave you in the cold. They were talking about how one of the owner’s children went down to Florida for a bit. He was 25, and is looking for work.

Here’s what my mom said: “At 25, you and I were trying to get married. Now, at their age, that’s the furthest thing from their mind.”

I began to think about it. I am 23, and will turn 24 next month. While I am in a relationship, getting married is something that I’m not ready for at this moment. I still want to be established, and I want to pay my car off. And, most of the people I talk to are in the same boat. My friends are in their late 20s, and many of them don’t have engagement or wedding rings on their fingers.

Let’s take a look at the generation before us — our parents. My mom got married at 28, while my father was 23. Now, that’s not so much of an uncommon thing, but back then that was a much bigger deal.

With that being said, I have a friend who got married at 21. When I first heard that they wanted to get married, I started screaming at them. What about finishing college? What about getting a good job, a place to live, etc.?

It was then my friend reminded me about the meaning of love.

But, with that being said, what happens if someone wants to get married in their younger years? Now, it’s being seen more and more crazy to get married before you get a diploma. Why do people have to endure being criticized for that, when they are simply doing what’s best for them. That’s an entirely different conversation altogether.

However, I do think that while love is an important factor in relationships, more and more millennials are looking to be established. You know, have a steady job, savings, etc. Our generation — despite the weight of student loans — is the first with the majority to graduate with Bachelor’s and even Master’s degrees. My mom didn’t finish college, and I don’t know if my dad even went. That education opens far too many doors and opens up a significant amount of opportunity than ever before, such as studying abroad and internships.

Also, our generation is the first where both men and women have solid careers. In our parents’ generation, that wasn’t the case. One of the biggest changes, by far, is the opportunities for women opened up by feminism. Women were expected to maintain a caregiver role with the man provided. Now, both parents are providing — or dad is the one who chooses to stay home.

It’s kind of interesting how things change in the span of 30 years, if you ask me. However, with that being said, while I still want to maintain a lively and successful career, I still also aspire to wear a white gown and have a family. But, just not right now.

Book Review: Love and Luck by Jenna Evans Welch

I don’t know about you, but I have a list a mile long of places that I want to travel to. One of them, Italy, was the setting of Jenna Evans Welch’s debut novel, Love & Gelato. Another place is Ireland, which is the setting of her latest novel, Love & Luck.

Love & Luck in some ways is like a sequel to Love & Gelato. The protagonist, Addie, is Lina’s best friend, who was the protagonist of Love & Gelato. But, don’t be fooled. It’s not a sequel to Love & Gelato by any means.

The novel begins at Addie’s aunt’s destination wedding, which is in Ireland. At the wedding, Addie and her brother Ian have an argument that gets resolved by Addie pushing her brother down a hill. However, before the reception, Addie’s mother gives them a challenge — to behave without incident while the two visit Addie’s best friend Lina while she’s in Italy or she’s revoking all their privileges to play sports. Since both of them are athletes, this is the ultimate punishment.

However, here’s the thing — Addie and Ian are usually the closer of the sibling group. But, after Addie dates football bad boy Cubby — which had an unfortunate ending — the two are drifting apart. This leads Addie to pick up the book Ireland and the Heartbroken, which isn’t your typical guidebook.

Right before Addie is destined to leave for Italy, she discovers Ian to be missing along with his suitcase. She finds him on his way to the ultimate music festival, where his favorite band will be giving one last performance. Addie follows him, which leads her down a rabbit hole of the unexpected as she heals her broken heart. Along with her brother’s friend, she begins to complete the heartbreak homework to ultimately heal the broken heart that she arrived with.

This is easily one of the best books that I’ve read this year. Furthermore, this book is the perfect read for summer. You can easily get lost in it, just as Addie gets lost in the Irish hills. The book is one of those books you can easily finish in a few days, but it’s one of those books that can become your favorite.

What’s unique about the book is that each chapter is sandwiched with an excerpt from Ireland and the Heartbroken. Now, you may be wondering whether or not this may take away or add to the novel. Personally, I liked it. It served as a preview for the upcoming destination. Furthermore, I also think that it also helped with the tone of the book. It helped Addie come to terms with what’s going on with her life at home.

I also liked that this book didn’t reveal all at once. It added to the intrigue of what happened to Addie to lead her to that point. At the beginning of the book, Addie and her brother are arguing. By the end, their relationship is restored.

The one thing that I didn’t like about the book though was the ending. I personally felt that it was a little rushed. I would have liked to see everything go full circle just a bit more. Maybe show more about Addie and Ian as they go back to school, and face the music.

But, with that being said, if you’re a fan of young adult literature, travel or even both, I highly recommend you reading Love and Luck.

Hi Anxiety, Will You Let Me Sleep At Night?

In honor of Mental Illness Awareness Month, I am going to write about having anxiety. But, if you’re a regular around here, chances are you know already I deal with anxiety.

11059636_10206711535735412_6078659884008391699_n — Me during my junior year of college.

Anxiety is something I’ve dealt with since my junior year of college. That was the time when I struggled to maintain a normal, balanced schedule. At the time, I was taking five intensive college courses, as well as balanced two jobs. Needless to say, I quickly crashed. After dropping a course and receiving therapy from my school’s counseling center, I entered the summer feeling confident.

However, the following fall, I began to struggle with anxiety once again. Only this time, the fix wasn’t as easy as dropping a course or reducing my hours. My fall semester was a constant downward spiral of mental breakdowns. At the time, I was working three different jobs, and taking intense classes. And, I never went to my therapist, because I felt like he never listened to me.

This continued into the spring semester, where between coursework and work, I wasn’t able to even breathe. However, I saw some changes in the spring semester. For instance, I saw a new therapist who was much more open to my needs. I also began thinking about what’s best for me.

15203157_10211419254385436_4921722182648830405_n — Me, along with friends the night I gave the sermon.

Eventually, I began to get better. I became an advocate for myself, and truly tried to make sure that I was listening to myself. Furthermore, I’ve developed an attitude where I focus more on myself and my needs, and less on the expectations. I’ve also learned to be less critical of myself, and focus more on the good vs. the bad. Towards the end, I even delivered a sermon on how faith plays a role in mental health.

20915644_10214072154506281_1947791683752231857_n — Me at the beach, August 2017.

Since graduating college, I still with anxiety. Only now, it’s less feeling crushed by the weight of the amount of work I had. Instead, it’s overthinking every little thing and worrying constantly. It’s asking my boyfriend a thousand times if we are okay. It’s lying in bed at night and worrying about whether or not I’ll be able to accomplish everything. It’s crying because a rush of emotion comes to me all at once, and I need someone to give me a hug.

Can I be honest here?

Anxiety freaking sucks.

Although I still attend therapy semi regularly, I’ve come to accept anxiety as a part of my daily routine. However, I’ve somewhat learned to control it. Somewhat is the key word here. I still have moments where I call my boyfriend crying because I feel as though I can’t handle the stresses (to which I thank him so much for, because he not helps me get through it, but does a very good job of making me smile). I still have moments where I write everything in my journal as a release. I still run to get those endorphins pulsing through my veins.

With that being said, since May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I write a post about my journey with anxiety. Since this is the second time I’ve done it, I like to look back at it and think about how far I’ve come. I’m not perfect, and maybe I’ll never be. And, that’s perfectly alright. There is no such thing as a perfect human.

However, I do ask one thing of every person who is reading this. And, that is to become more aware of mental health and mental health issues. That’s the main goal of me having this blog, although I’ve strayed to discuss other topics. It can be uncomfortable to talk about mental illness, which is why some don’t often do. But, just because it’s uncomfortable, doesn’t mean that we should sweep it under the rug, now should we?

Didn’t think so.

Furthermore, I ask that each and every one of you helps spread that awareness to others. Stamping out ignorance is the first step in trying to spread and develop a world where mental illness should be regarded as the same class as a physical one. So, if you suffer from a mental illness, be sure to reach out to me. I’ll be more than happy to help you get through it.

Words

It seems like words surround us wherever we go. They are what compiles our thoughts, and what makes up every book and article that we read online. Words make up the blog post that you are reading right now.

Despite the fact that words are a wonderful and beautiful thing, they can also be harmful.

But, you know the old saying. Sticks and stones may break my bones, while names will never hurt me.

Whoever said that didn’t live in the age of social media. I don’t know about you, but words have a bigger impact on me than any physical blow can. If you break your leg, you get a cast, and over time it heals. However, what’s different about words is that they have the ability to stay with you for almost an eternity.

With that being said, the words that we speak to each other — and to ourselves — are crucial to our mental health. This dialogue — both inner and what we speak to each other — can have a much bigger impact than any of us can imagine.

Let’s talk about our thoughts for a second. Now, our thoughts are something that can frame our perception on the world and the events around us. And, sometimes we have negative ones. Those thoughts ring to the tone of self doubt, and self consciousness. You know those thoughts where you feel like you can’t do anything, simply because you’re not good enough. Or even awfulizing every situation that you’re faced with. With those thoughts swirling in your head, it can be hard to stand up to all of the positive ones.

Imagine this — you erase all of your thoughts into positive ones. Easier said than done, right? But, you can somewhat make it happen, step by step. It can start by saying to yourself I’m awesome and I can do anything. Furthermore, it can even turn into a repeated version of saying nice things about yourself.

Furthermore, thoughts have the power to spiral. You know those anxious thoughts

In addition, I also would like to point out that we need to work on the things that we say to others, for those also have an impact. It can be the minor things, such as backhanded compliments (you know, someone saying that dress is nice, however it’s not my taste. But on you it’s nice!) social media comments, or flat out insults. Furthermore, this also includes saying something to someone out of anger. You know, calling someone a bitch or a loser. You never know what that can come off as sometimes. Therefore, it’s important to watch your words — no matter what the situation may be.

In honor of Mental Illness Awareness Month, I’m asking that we take a moment to press edit. Whether that may be that moment when you’re trying on a dress and thinking that you’re ugly because you’re not a size zero. Or, that moment when you’re having an argument and might say something in anger that you normally wouldn’t say. Those words might just have a bigger impact that you can imagine. And, once they are out, sometimes you just can’t take them back.

In those moments, let’s try to reframe ourselves. For example, if you’re feeling anxious and the thoughts spiral, try to press pause and take a breath and reframe the thought. Or, if you’re arguing with your boyfriend for whatever reason, instead of saying something mean, take a moment and say ‘do I really feel this way?’ Chances are, you don’t.

So, let’s work on our inner and outer dialogue. And, let’s work on making them positive ones.

Good Days, Good Mental Health

Did you know that May is Mental Illness Awareness Month?

If you didn’t, then today you learned something. To help raise awareness for mental illnesses, I am going to dedicate several posts to discuss the importance of mental health awareness as well as acceptance.

Why?

Well, mental illness isn’t as uncommon as you think it may be. According to the National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI) page Mental Health By The Numbers, one in five adults in the U.S. are diagnosed with a mental illness in a given year. Furthermore, one in 25 adults experience a mental illness that is so severe that it disrupts regular life activities. ]

NAMI had an interesting info-graphic, which is included below:

GeneralMHFacts-page-001

Not gonna lie, these are some big numbers here.

With that being said, what are we going to do about it?

There’s a common stigma that whoever suffers from a mental illness is someone who is tainted and is damaged goods. That statement couldn’t be further from the truth.

And, that statement is the very reason why so many refrain to get the help they need. When that happens, they are not given a chance for healing and for hope.

As many of you know, I suffer from anxiety. It developed when I was an overwhelmed college student, and despite having a kick ass therapist, continues to exist in my life. It sucks, but I overthink just like the best of them.

One of the main reasons why I’ve started a blog was to promote mental health awareness, and to say that it’s okay to admit that you’re not okay. And, sometimes you need a little help on the way. That’s fine too. I hope readers who read my blog regularly — assuming that is that there’s people that actually do that — are inspired to discuss their own experiences and even be proud of the journey that they’ve come.

Therefore, I make it a point to dedicate a few posts every May to Mental Health Awareness Month.

So, look out for more posts about mental health. And, to conclude, I’m going to quote Dr. Fraiser Crane: “Good day, and good mental health.”

Why It’s Okay to Unfollow Someone

It’s safe to say that I practically grew up with social media. In middle school, I would stand in front of a mirror (or with a friend) and throw up a duck face. #classy I then would edit the picture using Picnic, throw up a cheesy quote, and then dedicate an entire Facebook album to those edits.

However, social media has created the argument of etiquette. It has become an arena of constant statuses, where whenever you log on, you see see several statuses and photos all at once. All of a sudden, you can see the thoughts of every person you’re following in your newsfeed.

Sometimes, this is a good thing. But have you ever had a friend that just made you feel upset or angry whenever you log in. Or, have you ever had someone that just makes you feel depressed every time that you log in.

I bet you have at least one name in mind. But, here’s the thing — you don’t have to deal with it.

Hence the unfriend/unfollow button.

One of the reasons why I am consistently struggling with is the fear of confrontation of this person. I know this is a strange thing, but what if you encounter them on the street one day and they ask you why you unfollowed them? I don’t know what the likelihood of that happening actually is, but hey you never know.

However, at the end of the day, I’ve come to realize this. If something doesn’t make you happy 95 percent of the time, chances are you might need to do a cleanse of them. Admittedly, I forget that I have the power to do so.

Recently, I’ve encountered this dilemma. I would see this person’s posts, and suddenly hop on a bus into self doubt lane where I would just feel badly about myself. Therefore, I decided to unfollow this person. Doing so caused me to feel so much better about myself.

With that being said, I do realize that in this scenario I should have taken this as an opportunity to practice positive self talk. But, at the same time, I have learned one thing in therapy — if something doesn’t make you feel okay or happy, then you are allowed to do what is best for you. This may not make sense to others, but at the end of the day, if you’re happy that’s all that matters.

Furthermore, let me raise this point — we are on social media a lot. Chances are, it’s the first thing that you do when you wake up, and you’re on it a few different times a day. This is a lot of stimuli.

Thus, this will have an effect on your day without a doubt. But, what is cool about this is that we can control it. We can control who and what we see. And, if something does bother us, we have the power to try to change it.

Therefore, no matter what your situation may be, don’t be afraid to hit unfollow if the situation calls for it. Whether it may be an exboyfriend, a friend who leaves mean comments, or otherwise, chances are it will make you feel better.

Takeaways From Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Today is the final day in April. In addition, it’s also the final day of Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM). However, I would like to point out that everyday, we should work to promote and educate about consent and assault/rape.

Now, we all can agree about the meaning of no, right? It means stop. It means don’t collect $200. It also means that you respect that solid no, and not try to change that into a solid yes.

Back in October, social media exploded with the #MeToo movement. That movement was a huge wake-up call to us, who didn’t realize how big of the magnitude of the problem. But, I must ask you this. Now that we are awake, what are we going to do about this problem?

I have a few ideas.

The first is to create a world where victims of assault and rape feel as though they can come forward without the fear of not believed. Furthermore, this world needs to also offer them the protection of being safe from their perpetrator if they are threatening them. It’s sad to say that many women don’t come forward and get the justice they rightfully deserve. That needs to change.

Additionally, we need to also try to prevent this from happening as much as possible. This means promoting consent, healthy relationships and listening to your partners’ wishes. In addition, this also means healthy communication. It’s hard to achieve sometimes, but you can do so.

At the end of the day, assault and rape isn’t just a woman’s problem. It’s a problem for all genders. Thus, we need to listen to the victims. We need to create a better world where they are not only believed, but also win their justice and are allowed the respect to go through what they need to go through to heal.

Together, I think we can get there.

Therefore, let’s educate our children to respect all of the nos. Let’s learn to believe the woman who says she was raped on campus one late drunken night at a party. Let’s learn to believe the children who were helpless victims in an older person’s path.

I hope that by next April, we are closer to that goal.