Understanding the Relationship Between Physical and Mental Health

Until recently, I never quite understood the marriage between physical and mental health. That is, until I decided to up my health and fitness game — I decided to eat a little healthier, cut out down my coffee drinks, and exercised a bit more to make sure I reached my step goal on my Fitbit.

And, I noticed a change in myself. I noticed I was happier, and slept better during the night. In addition to that, I noticed that my clothes began to fit me a little looser than they did when I first bought them — an ultimate win.

When many people try a new diet or exercise program, they often have one goal in mind — weight loss. Which is fine, if you ask me — but that shouldn’t be the ultimate goal. The ultimate goal should be to get healthy.

Focusing more on your physical health is something does wonders for your mental. Remember when Elle Woods said in Legally Blonde: “Exercise gives you endorphin. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t.” And, she’s right. According an article on Mayo Clinic called “7 Benefits of Regular Physical Activity,” regular physical activity “stimulates various brain chemicals that leave you feeling happier and more relaxed.” And in my experiences, it always manages to help release stress when you’re feeling highly stretched, and helps keep you calm when anxious. In fact, it was something that my therapist recommended when I went to therapy.

Definitely worth the trip to the gym in the morning then.

In addition to making it a point to regularly exercise, it is also important to stay hydrated — especially in the hot summer heat. If you know me, you know that I carry around a bottle of water pretty much all of the time, and drink at least three glasses of water at dinner.  Believe it or not, staying hydrated has some effects on your mental health as well as your physical. According to an article on Active Beat entitled “10 Benefits of Staying Hydrated,” hydration is closely related to “balancing mood and emotions.” And this is on top of the physical benefits, which include help keep your body cool, helps keep you from being thirsty, and cleanses toxins. And, by opting for water instead of soda, you reduce calories and sugar intake even further.

It’s always an amazing feat when one makes a change to improve their overall being — whether it may be to go to a therapist, start running, or change their food intake. By making you and your health a priority, it only helps you be a stronger and better person. By taking 20 minutes a day to walk, it makes the other 23 hours and 40 minutes of the day ten times better, because you are more focused and less stressed.

And, can’t we all use a bit more of that? I certainly think so.

#Ilovemyself Is Trending On Twitter and It’s The Greatest Thing Ever

This morning, I logged into Twitter to see the hashtag #ilovemyself trending. And, I couldn’t help but get so excited over it. And seeing some of this tweets are amazing, you all. If you haven’t, be sure to search it on Twitter.

In my opinion, self love is something that is completely and utterly underrated. We simply don’t love ourselves enough.  On a daily basis, you hear people cut into themselves — and sometimes others — simply because they are insecure with themselves. Their insecurities could stem for a number of reasons — from someone not liking the way that they look to their weight. Whatever the reason is, there is certainly not enough self love going around, and I’m tired of it.

We need to learn how to love ourselves. We need to learn to fall head over heels in love with ourselves, because we should. Each and every one of us is a unique and awesome being. Each and every one of us is someone who shares joy and passion about something, whether it’s music, literature, movies or art. We are all beautiful.

And therefore, each and every person on Twitter should send a tweet to proclaim their love for themselves. They truly deserve it.

With that being said, I am going to share with you the reasons why #ilovemyself.

#Ilovemyself because I am a strong person who can see the light in any kind of darkness.

#Ilovemyself because I am not afraid to assert myself to get my message across and my needs met.

#Ilovemyself because I continue to advocate for change, and promote awareness for anxiety, as well as women’s rights and mental health awareness.

#Ilovemyself because I am a beautiful being, who continues to grow every single day.

And lastly, #Ilovemyself, because I learned that I am wonderful person who deserves to be loved. As the Smiths sing “I am human and I deserve to be loved, just like everyone else does.”

So do you.

Today, tweet about why you love yourself. Because you should shout from the world the reasons why you need to be loved.

 

Why I Think We Post Too Much

As a journalist, I use social media to live tweet events and share links to my articles. As a millennial, I use social media to update everyone who may care about the daily events in my life — something cute that my dog did, if I’m going out with a friend and doing something fun, or if I’m eating something that looks so delicious I want to share it with the rest of the world. You betcha, it’s going onto the gram.

I’m not the only who tweets, posts, and selfies. Every few hours, I check my social media — Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, and Instagram — to see what everyone in my circle is up to. And sometimes, it can be like information overload. Someone posts a status because they are feeling sad, personally victimized by someone, heartbroken, or posts a selfie every few days of you making the same old duck face.

Selfie, or it didn’t happen. Right?

With that being said, let me just say that I have a bone to pick with my fellow millennials — that bone is that certain things really should stay off of the digital world. While social media is a great tool for many reasons, I believe it can be a weapon of mass destruction when used incorrectly.

I’m talking about the private stuff, such as breakups and fights. Sure, it’s can feel amazing in the moment to post a status — dramatic or just venting. But, take a second. Think about who is going to read that status. And, most importantly, think about how it makes you look. If you are calling someone a derogatory name (use your imagination here, people) in a very public setting like Facebook, it doesn’t make people see your point. Instead, it appears that you’re stirring up some trouble or immature.

The same thing happens when you post about being heartbroken. Whenever I see someone writing a status online about how heartbroken they are, I can’t give an ounce of sympathy to them. Why? Because they are using Facebook — a public forum — to talk about private feelings. And chance are, probably looking for the person who broke their heart to change their mind.

Here’s my theory: if you need to vent, text a friend. If you have the urge to write a long status about things that are upsetting you, instead of getting out your phone, get out a pen and paper and journal.

However, with that being said, I see a lot of great people use social media on a daily basis in awesome ways. I use it to promote my blog posts and articles. My friend’s dad — who is a pastor — uses it as a diary to tell the story of his day-to-day activities. One of my friends uses Instagram to show off her amazing photographs Another friend of mine posts about what he’s doing in his radio career on a daily basis.  And, my co-workers use social media everyday to tell the world what they are doing. And that is awesome. That is how social media should be used.

I think that if you are using social media to talk about positive and meaningful things, versus starting drama, then you are doing it right. So, this is why you’ll see my only dog on my Instagram.

Oh, and are we following each other on Instagram? No? You should totally follow me. 

Ladies, Get Off Your High Heels

It’s 2017, yet there are so many old fashioned notions about dating that existed when my grandfather was courting my grandfather —  in the ‘50s.

Don’t be the one who pursues a guy, that looks desperate. Let him pursue you.

You shouldn’t kiss one a first date.

The guy should be the one paying.

Actually, I can sit here all day and name all of them out there. However, for time’s sake, I’ll leave it at those.

Dating has shifted in so many ways. What we call a relationship has shifted in so many ways as well — we have friends with benefits, bae, partner, and everything in between. Nowadays, Netflix and chill sessions are considered to be a date. Sad, but true. Even the way people are meeting has changed too — we’re using apps like Tinder and OkCupid in the attempts to find a mate.

While all of this change, I think the way that women should approach dating should. I think we should move towards more equality towards the sexes. I think that women should be able to make the first moves, if they want to. I think that they should text first, if they want to. I think they should ask the guy that they like out, not because they are desperate, but because they want to get to know that person.

I’m not going to lie — I think it’s nice when a guy wants to take the wheel and ask the girl out. It takes balls to do so. It’s nice to have a guy that tells you that he wants to go out with you, and wants to spend time with you.

I think though, by the guy doing all of the work, it can get frustrating on their part. That is similar to making the guy always pay. Sure, it’s a nice gesture especially in the beginning, but if you’ve been dating a while it gets expensive on their part. After all, boyfriends aren’t ATM machines. So, every once in awhile, I think women should further treat their fellas out for a nice dinner.

With that being said, aren’t relationships supposed to be mutual? If the guy and the girl both like each other, does it really matter who messaged who first, who pays or who asked the other to hang out? Because ladies, let’s face it — if we waited for men to read our minds, then we will be waiting an awfully long time. By having that equality helps each of you learn to love and respect the other for more than material goods and stupid protocol.

So, if Hillary won the popular vote, then you could surely take the plunge and ask that guy you’ve been flirting with for his number. It will have one of two outcomes — be a complete and total disaster or you’ll have his phone number.

The Evolution of My Opinions of Carrie Bradshaw

I feel like I owe Carrie Bradshaw a thank you note. She is one of my inspirations that got me into blogging over seven years ago, where I would question the high school dating scene by contemplating nearly everything that happened to me. Back then, I would write about whether or not someone actually liked me based on their actions, despite them not actually liking me.

Seven years later, I’m still blogging, but the subjects of my posts differ. Instead of concentrating heavily on dating, my posts have shifted to talking about mental illness, current events, feminism, and so forth. However, I’d like to believe that my ‘columns’ or blog posts are a modern version of Sex and the City.

Recently, Sex and the City celebrated 19 years since its debut on HBO. Upon hearing that, it instantly put me in the mood to watch a few episodes.

As I rewatched the show, I realized that my perception of the characters has changed. This makes sense, because I first watched the show when I was 16 years old. For example, when I first watched the show, I thought that Bradshaw was relatable to all of the single women who weren’t going to settle for anything less than the butterflies that come along with real love. However, watching it again, I thought that while I could relate to some of the problems that she goes through, i.e. why won’t Mr. Big put a ring on it/it sucks being single, she seemed narcissistic and immature.

Every episode of the show, Carrie has a problem, and her friends constantly have to hear her bitch about it during their lunches, usually cutting them off from one of their problems. While listening to your friend’s problems and lending a supportive ear is all part of being a good friend, after a while, I felt that if I were one of the other three ladies, I probably would have told her to shut up about Mr. Big.

Which leads me to my next point.

When it came to Carrie’s relationships, the big (get it) problem was that Big was Carrie’s problem. Carrie constantly fell into the trap that so many women before her have fallen into — the relationship is always on his terms, the guy won’t commit, etc. She was always insecure, and constantly needed reassurance from her partners.

However, I believe that some of the relationship’s problems were caused by Carrie. Remember when she thought he was shutting her out because she farted in bed? She then decided to show up to his place unannounced, where he was watching the game. Carrie then wanted him to focus on her, which of course he wasn’t, and resulted in her being upset. I think that she shouldn’t have the right to be, since he was just watching a game, and it had absolutely nothing to do with his feelings for her.

With that being said, many real human beings have their own flaws, so I won’t hold it against Miss. Bradshaw for having her own.

However, despite the change in my opinions about Miss. Bradshaw, I still love the show. That show is definitely one of the most relatable shows for women in their teens through 40’s. I believe that it helped contribute to shift of female empowerment, as well as really helped women become more comfortable talking about women’s issues that those women did. And, in all honesty, it’s a good show.

And despite the changes of my opinion of her character, I still have Carrie to thank, though. Without Carrie, there wouldn’t be no blog post for you to read today. Without Carrie, I wouldn’t want to write, and I wouldn’t have an obsession with my initials. (Does anyone besides me want a Carrie-style name necklace?) Without Carrie, I wouldn’t have chosen to study journalism to become a writer. 

So, with that being said, thank you Carrie. You have become the face of the single woman, all who are people who are just looking for love.

The Man Factor

Since my last relationship ended in August of last year, I decided to take a time out from dating for a period of time. It turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. I began to fall in love with myself, something that is more important than having an ‘in a relationship status’ on Facebook or a Man Crush to post about every Monday if people even post about them anymore.

During that time, I embarked on a journey of self-reflection and growth – kind of like Eat Pray Love without the travel. I learned to be okay with going to coffee shops alone, I learned to go on long hikes with only my iPhone for company, and I began to expand my social circle. I joined a book club, meet friends through a local worship service, and just became comfortable with who I was as a person.

This sounds cliché, but it was just what the doctor ordered. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I am in a place where having a boyfriend is nothing but an extra, not something I need like oxygen. Truth be told, I don’t need a guy to feel awesome. And, that is everything.

Right now, I’m in a place in my life where I want to enjoy every second that I can. I want to wander through unknown territories, I want to try new cupcake shops, and I want to enjoy the people I spend my time with, whether they may be friends or lovers. It’s not like I’m chasing away the idea of having a boyfriend – I’m learning to live life in a way that he’s dessert, not the main course.

And for those who ask me to the question don’t you want a boyfriend, here’s my answer: I’m not waiting around for Prince Charming to get his act together, and ride his white horse. Sorry.

However, there are some people who think that just because you don’t have a boyfriend, a pending relationship, or even someone that you’re ‘talking’ to, it means that you are missing something in the equation. And, for some, that may be the case. But, for me, not so much.

Throughout my time alone, I’ve given a lot of thought about the type of relationship I want and the type of guy I deserve. I’m going to share those thoughts with you now, in case you’re interested.

I am looking for the best and nothing less. Why? Because I deserve it. I deserve a guy that will bring me flowers, one that isn’t afraid to pick me up at home and shake hands with my mother. I deserve a guy that takes me to the movies, to dinner, anywhere pretty much that’s not his bed. I deserve real dates, not just a Netflix and Chill session in your bed. I deserve someone will treat me like I am the best damn thing that happened to me, because trust me, I am. And, I am not afraid to ask for it.
I’m also not afraid to demand what I want. I want someone who respects me, and my friends. I want someone who is not afraid to proclaim his feelings for me. I want nights of great conversation and to spend a good length of time getting to know this imaginary Prince Charming before committing. I want someone who makes me grin like an idiot, and someone who makes me laugh.

And, I’m going to hold out until I meet this person, because not only do I deserve it, but I respect myself enough to not settle for anything less.

At the end of the day, I’ve learned to not be afraid of being alone. I learned not to be afraid to tell someone what I want. And, most importantly, I learned that I deserve to be happy more than I need to find someone to call bae.

Ending National Mental Illness Month

Today is the last day of May — as well as the last day of National Mental Illness Month. Throughout the month, I’ve written a grand total of seven posts that discuss my experience with anxiety, as well as the perception that mental health has. We have come a long way from the days of mental illness being perceived as something to be ashamed of. With that being said, there’s still so much to be done.

If you’re sitting here thinking hey, I want to do more to make a difference, there’s so much you can do. Unsure what you can do? Here’s a list to help get you started:

  • Become informed on mental health issues and educate others.
  • Volunteer for your local mental health agency/suicide line.
  • Donate money to a charity whose proceeds go to mental health aid.
  • Write letters to your congressperson about important issues in mental health care and how they will have an effect on patients. 

However, most importantly, I ask you to remove all stigmas you have about mental illness and just listen. Yesterday, I discussed the toxic ways mental health is perceived. Now, I want you all to examine how you interact with someone who has a mental illness. I want you to do whatever you can to ensure that you treat them with both respect and kindness. Because, like you, they are human too.

With that being said, just because the month is over, doesn’t mean the conversation has to be. Keep talking, keep learning, and keep educating. Why? Because with every person who strives to make a difference can be crucial to helping the cause become stronger.

Why Mental Health Needs To Be Treated Like A Physical One

A couple of days ago, I saw this video that demonstrated what it would look like if we were to treat physical illnesses the way that we treat mental ones.

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For me, this video really brought home the message that both mental and physical illnesses have one word in common – illnesses. They are something that shouldn’t be taken lightly.

My question is, why do we?

Clearly, we know it’s not okay to say to someone who has just hit their head to stop complaining because they are bringing you down. Instead, we ask them if they are okay. So, why do we think it’s okay to tell someone who is diagnosed as clinically depressed to just stop complaining? Or, better yet, why do we belittle them.

Newsflash, people. Mental health needs to have that same perception as physical. End of story.

Being told to suck it up is so last year. When someone has a diagnosed mental illness, it is almost the same, or even worse as a physical one. And, when you tell them that they are complaining too much, or bringing you down, it’s downright rude and disrespectful. They need to take care of themselves, and they are doing the best that they can to do that. Sometimes, people with depression struggle to get out of bed. Sometimes, people with anxiety panic to the point where all they dwell on are the negative. And, if you were their friend, you would do whatever you can to help them – not, disrespect them.

With an Italian upbringing, mental illness was perceived as just not being tough enough. Having anxiety, many of my family members often think that I am just complaining when I say that I am feeling anxious, or think that my therapy sessions are just a waste of money. Or, that I don’t need a therapist.

But, do I tell the person with a broken leg that they don’t need physical therapy? We don’t say shake it off, because you’re complaining too much? No, because that’s crazy. We shouldn’t be saying that going to a psychotherapist, therapist or psychologist is a waste of money, either. Like physical therapy, psychotherapy is trying to heal the mind to make them stronger. And, why would we try to knock down strength – physical or mental?

And, by these stigmas floating around in the world, it might be the very reason why someone is too afraid to get the help they need because they feel like they are complaining too much, or too ashamed or proud to admit that they have a problem. And, that is just tragic.

Mental illness and physical illness need to be on the same tier. Someone who complains anxiety or depression is not them craving attention. It doesn’t come from wanting to drown you down, which by the way is absurd. They come from living in that sea of depression daily. They come from living in a constant state of anxiety and they are not complaining. You running your mouth and saying those things to them is only adding fuel to the fire, and can easily make things worse for them.

Which is something that they didn’t need.

So, let’s not belittle those who suffer from a mental illness. Let’s not make them feel ashamed for getting the help that they need. Let’s applaud those who struggle, but are choosing to get the help they need? Let’s applaud each and every person who decides to fight whatever obstacle they face, instead of just allowing themselves to get swept up in the tide and drown.

Instead, let’s call them warriors, because they go to war with their minds every day, which sometimes can be a constant battle. Life with a mental illness isn’t easy, and therefore, they deserve to be treated with the same sympathy and respect that you did when you broke your leg, arm, or that any diabetic has.

Confronting the Elephant in the Room: My Journey With Anxiety

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Whenever I talk about my anxiety – whether it may be in writing, in a sermon or in casual conversation – I always feel like I am at an AA meeting.

So, let’s get something out of the way . . .

Hi, my name is Natalie and I have anxiety.

There, much better now.

My journey with anxiety began about two and a half years ago, when I soon discovered that I could not handle the pressure of taking five classes and working two jobs. Luckily, I was able to control it by dropping a class, attended therapy to help maintain the anxiety, and managed to float through the rest of that semester.

I thought that would be the end of my anxiety, if you could call it that. Oh no. In the fall of my senior year, my last full academic year, anxiety came back – with a vengeance, I might add. I began to experience panic attacks, moments when I could sit in bed and do nothing but cry, and times when I felt crushed by the weight of everything that I needed to do for my classes and my jobs. I felt isolated, like a constant sinking stone that felt so lost at sea that no one can come to rescue me.

So, I tried to do the best I could. I went to see a therapist at my school, something that ended up not being helpful, because he had a list of things that I needed to do. That list was a set one. First, let’s try some deep breathing exercises. Didn’t work? No problem, let’s try writing. Didn’t work either? Okay, time to try medication!

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Since nothing seemed to work, I felt like I was setting myself up for failure, almost as if I were failing at therapy if that were such a thing.

I then realized that something had to change. Little did I know at the time was that change had to begin with me.

2016 began as a year of change. I changed therapists, and got a job that didn’t make me sick to go to anymore.

Things began to look up – kind of. I still cried at night because I was just so overwhelmed with everything, I still had panic attacks regularly, and I still felt as if I was so easily broken, almost as if I were made out of glass. I felt almost as if I were in a hole that I couldn’t dig myself out of.

But, beneath that sadness and anxiety, I began to slowly see sunlight. In the spring of 2016, I began to take the wheel and do what I can to make sure that my anxiety was better for once and for all. I was successful to completing that goal – to some degree – thanks to the help of an amazing support system. By the end of the summer, despite some ups and downs, I was able to finally make the right steps to get better.

And, it’s safe to say that most of the steps I took worked for my last semester as an undergraduate. My anxiety, other than the confusion of what to do after with my life after graduation, was pretty much at a standstill. I thought that I beat anxiety for sure, and triumphantly gave a sermon at Luther House at Yale University about how I conquered anxiety and beat it.

As 2017 approached, I was certain that I would leave anxiety in 2016. But, I thought wrong. I struggled as I transitioned from being a full-time student to being a full-time employee. I reverted back to my old ways – crying at the drop of a hat, panic attacks, and being an overly irritable person. To top things off, I soon began to get really sick, to the point where I ended up getting really dehydrated to the point where I couldn’t even move.

At that point, I realized that I had to once again make the choice to do what’s best for me. I never once regretted it since having to do so, and now, am currently leading a life that I am happy with.

And, as I wake up every morning, I appreciate every morning I wake up.
Going through my journey with anxiety these past two years, I believe that it has taught me to love and appreciate myself – the person I am, the person I aspire to be, the journey I am on to get to that point, and the progress I have made to get to that point. I came a long way from that person that I was a few years back! I have learned to take the wheel and make changes that I need to see a result. I learned that my happiness matters above all else. I learned that sometimes life can take unexpected turns, but can fight it with a positive attitude and ‘I can’ spirit. I try to make light of what I went through with humor, and am grateful to be able to laugh at my experiences, rather than cry about them.

Many people – friends, family, teachers, my pastor and a therapist to name a few — have contributed to that journey and supported me to be the person I am today. That very cast of people reminded me that I was worth every challenging moment, were the arms of support when I needed it, and were the people who reminded me that everything was going to be okay whenever I had any doubt that it wasn’t. So, to those who this applies to, I thank you with my whole heart.

But, what I am so glad to announce, is that I have become that pillar of support for myself. I can calm myself down during a panic attack, and remind myself that despite the dismal appearance, everything will in fact be okay. And, that is everything.

Anxiety will always be a part of my life, just as my hair is brown. However, it’s not my whole life, and I refuse to let it consume me. There will be some days when panic attacks that are the furthest thing from my mind, and there will be nights where I can’t sleep because of my anxiety. But, I am not just my anxiety, as I reminded everyone during my sermon at Luther House. I am a bookworm, a blogger, a writer, and a human. But, most importantly, I am stronger than I could have ever imagined myself being. I will not let anxiety be the road barrier to my paradise.

So, as Mental Illness Month draws to a close, I hope that you all have gained insight about anxiety, and for those who suffer with some kind of mental illness, I hope that you know you are strong and wonderful beings. I hope that you know that you can get through whatever you don’t think you can, and you are worth every challenging moment that you have with anxiety.

And when you do have those moments, I’m going to leave you with some lyrics that have been helpful during times of turmoil:

“I won’t break/I won’t bend/But, someday soon we’ll sail away to innocence, and the bitter end” – “Simple Life,” Elton John.

Aftermath of Manchester

Last night, there was an attack in Manchester, England at an Ariana Grande concert. At least 22 are dead, and over 50 are injured – not mention countless others missing.

When I heard the news – a notification on my phone during my first book club meeting – my heart broke.

This was a concert, one with innocent children and young adults. They were looking forward to seeing their favorite artist, and to hearing their favorite songs. They didn’t deserve this. It breaks my heart to hear a mother frantically cry for her daughter to come home. It breaks my heart to hear that these innocent children are victims to a crime that is so unjust. It breaks my heart to the footage of the attack.

And, all they did was go to a concert.

It’s sad that these have become more and common, and it’s sad that we’ve become immune to the intensity of attacks such as these. Right now, I’m thinking of Paris, Orlando, Nice – and those who lost their lives or suffered injuries. I’m thinking about the children who are victims to this, and the tomorrow that they have to live in. Those children have to live in fear. Those children will sadly never be children again. Stealing the innocence of a child is perhaps the most tragic loss of all.

So, today I pray for Manchester. I pray for those who are injured, those who are deceased, Ariana Grande, and those who anxiously await for news on their children. But, I also pray for the world, for peace, and a better tomorrow.