When you are a student, making and keeping friends is so easy. In middle school, that basically meant sitting next to someone everyday at lunch to dish on the interaction in the hallway with that boy you’ve had a crush on for a week. In college, this means having a bunch of classes with someone and ranting about the professor’s insane grading system.

Now, enter adulthood. Things are a bit different. First of, you are balancing so much. You are working full time, you’re remembering to pay bills, and maybe you are in a relationship. Sometimes, we become swept up in that, and forget the friends. Or, we simply don’t stay in touch with them or see them as much as you’d like.

The real growing pains, though, is when you begin to grow apart from a best friend. It’s a safe assumption that people change throughout their lives. At 20, we view the world differently then we did at 24. And, a lot happens in a person’s 20’s. You graduate college. You get your wings, and apply for a full time job. You might also fall in love, and get married. I mean, I’m not the same person that I was at 24. I am more responsible, and I’ve grown a lot.

And, that changes you.

With that being said, it also changes your friendships. People don’t often grow at the same rate as each other. This sometimes creates problems. This can be a friend, who after years of being friends, just brings you down. Or, someone who you just don’t have any fun with anymore. Or, sometimes, something happens to destroy your friendship completely.

I’m going to be honest, change sometimes sucks. It causes true pain, sometimes to the point where you are sore to the touch. Losing a friend is perhaps the most painful thing of all. I mean, you don’t expect to lose a friend. Friends are people that you think are going to concrete. I mean, in high school, chances are your girls are the ones who helped you get over that boy that you used to date? You never expect that to go away.

What many don’t realize is that losing a friend is worse than a romantic breakup. In my opinion at least. There might be something that was the catalyst, a big fight or someone sleeping with your boyfriend. Or, you drifted apart. No one talks about the pain — nor deems it to be a thing.

And, it sucks.

How many of you reading this are thinking of someone right now?

I am.

It’s sad to lose someone who you put everything into. To think that they are at the other end of a phone, only you can’t call them for whatever reason.

Sometimes, though this isn’t a permanent thing. Sometimes, years later you can reconnect. Others, not so much.

I firmly believe that the only time in life when a friend’s true colors come out is when you go through something awful. A death. An injury or a breakup. Who is the person who is always there for you? Who calls and checks in? Chances are, they are your true friends.

I will end with an assuring quote from Dr. Seuss: “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” That quote can easily be said about losing a friend, or growing in two different directions.

One of the things that I will always remember about the 2016 presidential election was not the pain I felt when Hillary lost to Trump, but the amount of opinions that were flying everywhere. And, some of those opinions were not about the election, but of those who voted for Trump over Hillary.

I am a registered Democrat, and most of the time, I tend to agree with the Democrat side of things. I believe that women should have a choice of whether or not they want to keep their child. I believe that healthcare should be a right, not a privilege that is out of reach for so many. I also believe that both men and women should be paid the same, because they are doing the same job the same way with the same qualifications.

However, there is one thing that I do not agree. The amount of people who are insulting the other side. It really bothers me to no end that some liberals jump on those who tend to agree with conservatives.

I mean, come on. We live in America. We have freedom of speech here. So, why do we attack those when we use it? And, better yet, why are we now jumping on those who we do not agree with?

Makes zero sense to me, and I know nothing about politics.

A few months ago, I had a discussion with a friend who without a doubt is liberal. We were talking about the upcoming Connecticut primary. We were talking about the election, and I told them I supported one candidate over another.

My friend’s response: Why would you vote for them? 

Well, I’m sorry that I thought that they were based on the opinion that I have. I am an adult who has the right to vote. If I think that someone is better suited, and they happen to be a different party, I think it’s okay to vote for them. I’m educated, and I like to think I’m an intelligent human being. Therefore, I do my research on the candidates that are running, and vote for who I think who is best.

And, with that being said, over the years I have voted Democrat. I even helped out on a Democratic campaign.

But, I still need to think we need to change our political rhetoric. Just because someone votes conservative does not mean they are dumb. It doesn’t mean they hate women, or that they are bad people. Therefore, we need to stop bashing people for having an opinion, because we all have them. And, they are different.

And, you know what?

I think that’s perfectly okay.

So, instead of insulting everyone for having an opinion, let’s encourage them. After all, at the end of the day, we just want people to vote. It shouldn’t be our business as to who we’ve chosen.

On Thursday, October 11 I said goodbye to my best friend for the very last time with tears in my eyes. My best friend has been with me since I was ten years old, and was the sweetest and most loyal person I know.

My best friend also wasn’t human. She was a Rhodesian Ridgeback named Maggie, nicknamed Sissy.

If you follow me on Instagram or know me personally, Maggie was my partner in crime and my very best friend. When I was in college, she was always there to help me study and do my homework. Okay, fine. She also knocked it out of my hand so she would get a belly rub, but she still helped. When I was sick, she stayed by my side, even if that meant losing her beloved couch for the night. She was my breakfast buddy, and the person who would always happily greet me at the door.

That’s why saying goodbye to her was the hardest thing ever.

It happened quickly. For a while, we’ve noticed that she was acting weird. She was yelping and expressing pain. After a while, we took her to the pet hospital. The prognosis? She was diagnosed with Interverbal Disc Disease, which basically meant that all of the sponges in her spin had disintegrated, and it was basically bone on bone.

Within 72 hours, we had to say goodbye to her for the last time. Her condition worsened to the point where she would pace around the house, yelp, and wasn’t Maggie. She was on painkillers, but it still didn’t stop the pain. She still was in massive amounts of pain, which led both my mom and I to the vet hospital.

This time was to say tearful goodbyes with my best friend.

Losing her was the hardest thing ever. My dog and I had a special relationship. She was the one person that always was there for me, and who could cheer me up whenever I needed someone. Losing her was like losing my sister. My heart is broken, and I want more than anything to hug her again. But, I know that wherever she is, she is no longer in pain.

Everyone who loves pets knows this. A pet is truly a member of the family. However, when a pet dies there is no funeral or wake. You hug your friend while sobbing uncontrollably and that’s the goodbye you get. It sucks, because for over a decade they were your family. And, to them, you were the center of their universe.

The grief of losing a friend like Maggie is perhaps the worst I’ve ever been through. For whatever reason, it is different then losing a person. You’re expected to be back to normal within days, which I really don’t understand because pets are people too. After all, can you tell your boss that you’re not coming to work today to give you time to mourn your dog? I mean, you can, but it’s not as accepted as taking time off for a person.

Which sucks, but it is what it is.

Losing Maggie was the hardest thing that I ever had to go through next to losing my grandfather. I feel like I lost my best friend, and I miss her every single day – even the things that annoyed me. Taking down her crate, putting away her bowls, and giving away her treats to other dogs just ripped me up inside. My best friend is gone. And, I miss her terribly.

Furthermore, no one ever really talks about the adjustment one goes through while losing a pet. For years, you are used to having to take them out. You are used to running home after work to take care of them. You are even just used to their presence – of them begging for your dinner or of their collar jingling as she walked throughout the house.

Without it, it feels empty.

I know that grief doesn’t last forever. And, I know with each day, things do in fact get better. However, it doesn’t change the fact that it just sucks to lose someone you love – whether they have four legs or two.

I truly believe that we are our biggest critics. For me, this is especially true. I can not tell you how many times I’ve gone back and thought about something that I could have done better. It can be an article that I could have written better. Or, it could be something that would have been perfect to say in that moment, but didn’t. And, finally, it could be just overall critique on ourselves when we don’t get enough done for the day.

Whatever the case may be, it’s very easy to nitpick everything that you do to the point where you can get so down on yourself.

Trust me, that’s not fun.

The question is, why are we getting so down on ourselves?

The answer is that we don’t believe that we deserve it. This is called self acceptance. According to an article on Psychology Today entitled Why Is Self-Acceptance So Hard?, accepting ourselves unconditionally is “difficult” because we must “he fantasy that if we punish ourselves enough with negative thoughts, we’ll change.”

But, why do we do this?

The article says that this can stem from “messages we receive from our culture, others, and ourselves” that have become “deeply ingrained.” For instance, if someone continually tells you that if you tried harder you would have gotten an a, that can stay with you. And, it will follow you.

In our society, we constantly try to be on top and the best. The best grades, the best at balancing, and the best in general. So, when we don’t measure up, it can be easy to harp on what is wrong.

Instead, let’s start celebrating the positives. For instance, let’s celebrate all that we’ve gotten done versus constantly putting ourselves down with the few things that we didn’t get to. Or, if you got a B on a test that you studied hard for, celebrate that you got that B, versus not getting an A.

Let’s just work as hard as we can, and learn to positively reinforce ourselves. To praise ourselves for what was done and the hard work we did to complete it. It’s hard, but I think that we can do it. I know I can.

And, before we go, here’s some positive self talk: