Growing up, gym class was my personal hell. Like seriously. I was so bad at it that I used to have to do an extra gym class on top of my normal one.

It goes without saying that I was overweight as well. That went with me, all of the way through my freshman year of high school. I was that person who was in between — I wasn’t skinny, and I wasn’t fat either.

But, back then I wasn’t exactly making the right choices either. I never worked out outside of gym class. My idea of nutrition was french fries for lunch, and followed by more for dinner.

Yeah, I was healthy.

It wasn’t until the middle of sophomore year that I began to work out. At the time, I would put on my iPod and dance around my room like an idiot. Sure, it wasn’t no Jillian Micheals. But I did lose some weight, which is good.

That summer between junior and senior year, I began to become obsessed with healthy eating and weight loss. Every pound suddenly matter. I watched MTV’s I Used To Be Fat religiously. I used MyFitness pal to record every calorie, and exercised way too much. And, whenever I did eat something unhealthy, I would go all out.

When I entered junior year, I soon realized that method of losing weight wasn’t exactly realistic. I found myself hungry all of the time. That winter, as we got blizzard after blizzard, I ate a ton of baked goods. And all of a sudden, all of that weight that I worked so hard to lose, came right back.

Over time, I began to realize that I wasn’t happy with losing weight that way. I mean, I was happy when I was a size 6 versus an eight or a ten. But, I wasn’t eating foods that I loved. I was so obsessed with trying to get thin and losing even more weight, I forgot how to live.

And, that’s no way to live either.

Nowadays, I try to keep a balanced diet. I will admit that I am obsessed with working out. Honestly, that comes from the fact that working out has become a bit of a form of therapy for me. However, I still eat cookies, cupcakes, and chocolate — and I’m pretty damn happy doing it.

Whenever I see things such as a keto diet or any other diet, I always think about this. Sure, it’s fun to lose the weight. But being able to maintain it? That’s even better. Plus, it’s not good for your body to even manage that. And, isn’t the point of working out to be healthy?

At the end of the day, I think that it’s more important to be healthy and happy than the numbers on the scale. Balance is key in everything — including when it comes to weight loss and eating. Working out for me isn’t about being able to look good in a bikini. It’s about being healthy.

So, yes I’ll eat salads and work out along with Jillian Michaels. But, I’ll still eat cupcakes and take rest days. And, when I do, I will savor every moment.

Whenever I think about my mother, the one memory that always comes to mind is her in her sweatpants and slippers with her iPod shuffle. The iPod was a gift from me one year for Mother’s Day, and since I bought it for her, it was her buddy whenever she cleaned the house. She would always dance around to songs by The Carpenters, Luke Bryan, and her favorite songs Tarzan Boy by Baltimora and Party Train by D-Train.

It has been over a month since my mom has passed away, and as time goes on, it becomes more and more real that she is truly gone. Whether it be a simple realization when I accidentally call her number while driving, only to realize that the phone has been disconnected or thinking that there will never be another Saturday where we will go to the diner for lunch and grocery shopping at Big Y afterwards. Nor will there be another Christmas where she will attempt to get me to wrap presents on my own without her help, only to take them back so she can do them “the right way.”

And, the list goes on. Every time I think about it, it hurts. Truth be told, we take time for granted. Honestly, you think that everyone is immortal, and that someone that is so central in your life like a mother, will be there forever. Or, at least until she becomes Sophia Petrillo. However, the reality is, we never know how much time we have with a person.

My mother was a strong and independent woman who was never afraid to vocalize her opinions. She worked her ass off continuously, and always made sure that her house, garden and car was the cleanest.

However, my mother was a single mother. She had to raise me alone — other than the help of my grandparents. Truth be told, I don’t know how she took care of me, the dog and the house daily. Oh yeah, and maintain a full time job to support the house.

And, she always made sure that I had everything that I wanted and needed. Thanks to my mother, I don’t have a student loan, as she was determined to make sure that I walked onto the stage without a dime of debt. My mother read every newspaper article I wrote, proudly displayed the bracelets that I made (even though sometimes they weren’t always that great), and applauded every good grade that I got. I credit my mom for my love for reading, as she would never deny me a book. She sat through flute concerts, and badminton games — even though I wasn’t the best at either of those. She was the person I always gossiped about my friends to — and the one person that I knew always had my back.

Thinking about the fact that even though she won’t be front and center for the remainder portions of my life really is devastating, whether it may be my wedding day, or if I choose to get a Master’s Degree.

But, what gets me through those tear-jerking thoughts are the little and big things she did get to witness: high school and college graduations, the day we bought Maggie home, meeting my current boyfriend, the Saturdays at Big Y, and her screaming “The Curse Is On” every Tuesday at nine when The Curse of Oak Island aired on the History Channel.

In her graduation speech from Chilton, Rory Gilmore said “But my ultimate inspiration comes from my best friend, the dazzling woman from whom I received my name and my life’s blood, Lorelai Gilmore. My mother never gave me the idea that I couldn’t do whatever I wanted to do, or be whomever I wanted to be.” 

That quote single handedly describes who my mother was as a mother.

Thank you, Mom. Thank you for guiding me through the past 24 years.