I got some pretty upsetting news one night this week. As a result, I began to cry. It just happened. It felt natural to cry in that moment. However, during that time I was crying, I was told to stop because it was a sign of weakness.

How can something that feels so natural in the moment be considered to be something that is so criminal?

According to an article on Enlightened Solutions entitled Crying is a Sign Of Strength, Not Weakness, the usual reaction one someone is crying is “ssssh don’t cry.” The article says that what they are actually saying is “stop expressing your emotion through crying, it’s making me uncomfortable,” translating into “your emotions make people uncomfortable.” This is eventually turned into the root of it all, which is “feelings are bad.”

Well, if they are bad, then why do I have them?

How many of us burst into tears after a death, a bad day at work or learning that you didn’t get the job that you were 100 percent certain that you were getting? How many of us apologize after bursting into tears to those around us. My question is, why are they doing it?

In case you didn’t know, we are humans with emotions and the need to express them. Crying is one of the healthy ways to express the emotions, as well as a way to begin the healing process. And, the article says that “high percentages of people feel a relief after crying.”

So, why is it so bad to cry?

Personally, I am always unsure what to do when someone is bursting out in tears in front of me. However, that awkwardness doesn’t mean that I am going to turn around to tell them not to.

Honestly, crying is healthy. It’s saying that I am sad because my boyfriend broke up with me.” It’s saying that I am sad and I am dealing with it. And, that’s okay. Sure, crying make not be the ultimate solution for your problems. It’s not going to make that boy take you back. However, it’s saying I have emotions and I am dealing with them.

So, why are we not celebrating one’s ability to do so?

Maybe it’s because emotions are kind of like periods. Everyone has them, but no one wants to talk about the matter.

Which sucks when you have a lot of emotions that you’re trying to bottle them in.

So, let’s try to develop a healthy relationship with crying. Let’s cry when we feel sad, because that’s okay. And, if someone tells you to stop, instead of bottling it in, go somewhere where you can cry alone without judgement.

Because you are strong for crying. Not weak.

https://www.enlightenedsolutions.com/crying-is-a-sign-of-strength-not-weakness/

My to be read (TBR) pile is insane nowadays. Therefore, as a way to get through them, I am instilling a book buying ban until Black Friday. Here are some books that I hope to get to during that ban.

• The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah

• The Wedding Date series by Jasmine Guillory

• Don’t You Forget About Me by Mhairi McFarlane

• Circe by Madeline Miller

• American Royals by Katharine McGee

• Frankly in Love by David Yoon

• Opposite of Always by Justin A. Reynolds

• The Bookish Life of Nina Hill by Abbi Waxman

• The Right Swipe by Alisha Rai

• Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

• Mrs. Everything by Jennifer Weiner

• Field Notes on Love by Jennifer E. Smith

What is on your reading list?

I just finished listening to Nev Shulman’s book, In Real Life: Love, Lies and Identity in the Digital Age. The book talks about Nev’s experience with being a victim of being deceived online, how he struggled with identity and issues throughout his youth, and online behavior.

After reading this novel, I began thinking about my own digital habits. Like most people in their twenties, I own a smart phone and social media accounts. I also have a smart watch, a tablet, a Nook and a Kindle, a laptop, and AirPods. You can say that I am well connected.

In the book, Nev discusses how all of these items that are meant to keep us even more connected turns out to be the very thing that is disconnecting us. How ironic.

But, it’s true.

I mean think about it for a second. Let me ask all of the millennials out there a quick question. When you go somewhere – from out to dinner with friends to a concert to even a vacation – how many of you take out your phone to document it? After all, selfie or it didn’t happen right?

Needless to say, not only you went on vacation, but also your many followers went along for the ride too.

Sure, I am like all of you out there who want to document the moment. However, I noticed the less my phone is out, the better of a time that I have. That’s why I rarely use Snapchat or Instagram story. Instead, I snap a photo of what’s going on, and then put my phone in my pocket.

Wanna know why?

So I can enjoy the moment.

And instead of posting it right then and there, I wait until the next day.

That way, I can focus on the awesome thing in front of me, instead of trying to think of a good caption.

Isn’t that a novelty?

However, what truly bothers me about social media is how focused we are on getting likes. I’m not going to lie – getting a lot of likes on something is awesome. But, why does it matter? Does it give you instant validation to get 100 likes instead of 10?

Sure, it feels great to have people like your stuff. It’s almost as if you won the approval. And, the more that you get, the better off you are.

But, that’s not life. Life isn’t about the amount of followers you have online. It isn’t about the people who like your photos – people who are a mixture of people you know and don’t know in real life. Life is about living in the moment with people who care.

So, why do we put so much energy into winning the approval of people that you don’t even know?

Well, maybe it’s like high school all over again. Remember back when you were in high school, you focused on creating a lot of friends, versus the quality of friends that you have. Maybe social media is similar to the high school hallways, and we are the constantly just wanting to have the cheerleaders voice their approval on us.

But, like many of you, high school was ten years ago.

So, here’s what I propose.

One, let’s focus less on our online presence and more on the life we lead in our real life. Instead of snapping during the concert, post a photo or two after the fact. That way, you can focus on enjoying the concert, instead of documenting every single second. The same goes with vacations, girl’s nights, etc. Just take a couple of photos, and focus on the moment. Chances are, you’ll have more fun.

Two, let’s remind ourselves that we are not a number. We are human. We measure ourselves on so much – income, education, etc. – that we shouldn’t add the number of likes and followers we have matter in measuring how much our self-worth is.

Finally, let’s learn to love ourselves. I know that’s a little bit more far-fetched and out of context, but the more that we learn to love us, the less likely that these things will matter.

And, the happier that we will be.

So, I conclude this with one final message: get off your phone

If you asked me a year ago what I thought the best methodology to read books was, I would say that there is nothing like reading a physical book. Yup, you know paperbacks and hardcovers.

Then, I discovered the e-reader.

Here’s what drew me in: the ability to read in any light, the compatibility so I can carry all of my books around in a tiny device, and the fact that I didn’t have figure out unique ways to store my books because I am once again running out of shelf space and don’t want to part with any more books.

So I bought my Nook and was on my merry way. And, all was fine.

Until I discovered audiobooks.

And, once again my world was changed forever.

What I love about audiobooks was the fact that I can listen to the book while doing other things — similar to how I would listen to music. However, I am reading, while doing things like driving, cleaning the house, and even getting ready for my day. Furthermore, what I also love about audiobooks is that when the book is well read, you can almost picture the scene. For me, it becomes more memorable, even when the book is long gone.

Nowadays, I have three different ways to read books: the physical when I want to hold a book, electronic when I just want a book right now or I just need to carry a lot of books on the go, and audiobooks for all of those times that I want a cool story to listen to.

Having all of these methods of reading has been helping me get more and more exposed to books. This year, I’ve read over 60 books. And, I’m sure I’ll be reading quite a few more before the year is through. Some of these books have been sitting on my TBR shelf for years.

Some may argue that true reading is holding that book in your hands. But, reading has come a long way since my mom’s days of

reading Danielle Steel novels in the 80s. With the various ways one can get access to literature, it is easier now more than ever to dive into a good story. This is all thanks to technology. Reading should be celebrated — no matter how you get your nose in a book.

I started using an e-reader regularly about a year ago. My mom had an Amazon Fire Tablet that she never used. I had an iPad, but it was hard to bring around because it was a larger size. I downloaded a few books, such as The Hate U Give and Girl, Stop Apologizing. That is why that Christmas, I purchased a Nook. 

What I loved about reading on an ereader was the fact that reading was more portable. I can fit an entire library onto a device, and have the ability to store it into my purse. I could bring my reading everywhere — doctor’s offices, coffee shops or moments when I had a few moments to myself. 

About a month later, I began to crave the feel of a physical novel in my hands. So, I dove into the books I had stored aside. Soon enough, I began to alternate between the two. What also helped was that the books that came from my Book of the Month subscription were physical books. 

Lately though, it seems like I’ve become obsessed with physical books more than the ones on my Nook. I have been going to a ton of local bookstores such as R.J. Julia and exploring the aisles. Of course, I would come home with a book — or two. Sometimes, I would go to my local Barnes and Noble to score great deals in their clearance section. I’m talking $3 books. What a deal. 

Every now and then, I’m asked with how I read my books. I always say: ebooks all of the way. Lately, I’ve been answering: whatever I’m in the mood for. 

Everyone knows that there is a debate between physical books and electronic ones. Some crave the touch and feel of a physical book as you tear through its pages. 

And, they have their reasons for doing so. After all, you don’t need a charger to use a physical book. All you need is a book. Of course, it’s a whole lot cheaper than spending the $100 for a Nook or a Kindle. 

However, there are a lot of people who prefer ereaders out there. And, they have their reasons like those who prefer physical books. I mentioned earlier about the fact with my Nook I have the ability to take my entire library anywhere that I wanted to go. WIth an e-reader, you can get the book downloaded to your device within a few seconds. Travelling with a Nook is so much easier, because you can take a few books with you and it won’t weigh you down. My personal favorite thing though is this — you can read whenever you want, in any light. Trust me, that is extremely convenient when a storm knocks the power off. 

There are benefits to both methods of reading. That is why I choose to use both of them. Sometimes, I crave the feel of pages between my fingers at the beach. Other days, I want to have my Nook around simply so I can read something I want in that moment, and carry it around everywhere I want to go. 

Reading is reading — no matter how you read. Therefore, I refuse to stick with one method of reading. So, that’s why sometimes I’ll read an actual book, and others you’ll see my with my ereader. I mean, who is better than me? I’ve got the best of both worlds.