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Guess Whose Giving Up Buying Books for Lent — Again?!?

Last year, I decided to give up buying books for Lent. The reason why was because I wanted to dip into the many books that I already had purchased and actually read them. This actually wasn’t that hard, and I was able to read 11 books that I had lying around and figure out if I want to keep them for my library or get rid of them.

As tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, I’ve been going back and forth on whether or not I wanted to do it. However, as I organized the closet where most of my books are kept, I realized something. I have over 25 books that I haven’t read yet.

Needless to say, I figured out what I was giving up for

18194818_10212906410883419_8831236082745567871_n — Wandering around the Barnes and Noble Young Adult Section last year.

Lent this year.

However, what differs from this year is the fact that I won’t have ‘cheat days.’ Last year, I had allotted myself one or two trips to the bookstore to replenish. Usually, those would be special occasions, such as finding a book I wanted for a good price or to celebrate Saint Pat

rick’s Day. While they were few and far between, this time around, I want to ensure that I actually stick to it. And, get to those books.

So, as of tomorrow, I’m going to once again give up buying books. In that time, I hope to read at least ten of the books that have been lying around for a while. Some of the books I hope to read include: Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She’s Learned by Lena Dunham, All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr, Carrie by Stephen King and Dark Places by Gillian Flynn. Furthermore, I hope to get to A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman.

But, before I tackle those books, I have some library books that I have to finish. However, after that, I’ll dive right in and get to those.

So, hopefully, at the end of this, I’ll have created some room with the books I don’t want to keep, and have gotten to some good reads. Wish me luck, folks. I’ll need it.

Looking for a Valentine? This Could Be Why You’re Still Single.

Valentine’s Day is only a few weeks away, and the hunt is on to find your valentine. However, some people may be wondering why it’s difficult for them to find love.

But, let me say this. I fully believe that one doesn’t need to have a significant other to be happy. In fact, there’s a benefit to being single for an extended period of time. It gives you a chance to focus on yourself. This time is crucial, because you do need that time to do you. It gives you a chance to grow, find things that you love about you, and figure out what you want in life.

And, I will also add that everything truly happens for a reason. So, the reason why you are having trouble finding love could very well be that it’s not your time yet.

But, if you’re still trying to figure out why it’s hard for you to find a partner, here’s a few reasons why. However, I will point out that I am not an expert — just a casual observer. Therefore, take my suggestions with a grain of salt.

You’re too picky.

The number one reason why people have a hard time finding the right person? They are too darn picky! Which, don’t get me wrong, can be a good thing. You know what you want.

However, let me point this out — when one is so picky that they have a list a mile long of requirements in a partner, it could dismiss a thousand other equally awesome candidates because they don’t have that one.

So, if you fall into this category, go grab a pad and pen, and write a list of all your requirements for the perfect partner. Then, go through it. If there’s anything that involves looks, income or level of fanciness on the date, then delete it. But, keep anything that involves personality or the way that they treat you. Those are the important ones.

You’re not open to meeting people.

To find someone, you truly need to be open to meeting people. You can find people in a number of different ways. Sure, you can do the basics — you go to bars and go online. But, that only scratches the surface of finding a great partner.

With that being said, there’s so many other ways to cause you to meet people — whether it may be joining a club, taking a class, or even going to a book signing. Just being open to meeting people and being social is the perfect way to help you find a special someone.

You’re too desperate.

You can always tell when someone’s desperate to meet you — or anyone in general. Therefore, tone down your desperate to meet someone. Trust me, it’s a major turn off.

Furthermore, this desperateness leads to clingines. Also a turn off.

Therefore, balance your life with other things than finding a mate, and trust me, it will happen.

You’re negative.

Are you always complaining about someone? Or, is your Twitter compiled on negative tweets? Newsflash — not many people like to hear that negative. In fact, they tend to shy away from that.

So, do your best to try to think positively. Trust me, not only will you feel better, but you’ll attract positivity as well.

You think you’re too good for anyone.

It’s one thing to enjoy the finer things in life and that you deserve the best. It’s another to have the attitude that you’re the best thing since sliced bread. Chances are, if someone sees that, they are going to run the other way, because this screams high maintenance with big, bold, capital letters. And usually, that makes a guy run for the hills.

Definitely a turn off.

So, while you may have a high opinion on yourself — just remember that you too have your faults.

Let’s Keep Talking, Folks!

I haven’t written much about my anxiety for a while, which is odd because this blog was formulated as a way to get talking about mental health issues. Part of the reason why is because I felt like I was always saying the same thing over and over again, and let’s face it — not everyone likes to hear the same thing over and over.

However, today I would like to discuss the importance of awareness for mental illness. Yesterday, there was a huge movement on social media — the hashtag #BellLetsTalk. The day raised $6,919,199 and created a huge conversation.

While that’s awesome, we should be talking about mental illness and mental health every single day.

Truth be told, we need to erase the stigmas that float around in the universe. We need to move towards acceptance and towards a world where one doesn’t need to be afraid when saying that they too are struggling.

Mental illness is much more common than you think — whether it’s an eating disorder, depression, and anxiety. And those are only a few of them. With a physical illness, you can tell that someone is suffering. However, with a mental illness sometimes you can not.

I have anxiety. Having anxiety sucks to be honest. It’s something that is similar to falling down the rabbit hole into Alice’s trip to wonderland. Unlike Alice, my anxiety can stem from anything. I deal with panic attacks — I guess you can say it’s my superpower.

As I grow older, I’ve gotten better at managing it. I learned that situations do change, anxiety does not. After all, what gives me anxiety? Stress. Fear of not getting enough done. Too much to do in little time. Anxiety can float in all situations. It hasn’t changed since my college days avoided my therapist at the school counseling center.

But what did change is my thinking pattern and how I think about a situation. Then — and only then — it gives me the power through it. Thank you to all of the books I read, my therapist and the people who remain to guide me through it.

With anxiety, though you worry. You worry how people perceive you. You worry that you’ll be judged. And, sometimes people kick you down. They tell you to suck it up and it will get better. Let me ask you this — if someone was throwing up would you tell them to still go to work? Or, if you broke your leg, would you be asked to stop limping around?

No you wouldn’t.

Therefore, mental health is just as important as the physical. Therefore, let’s change the way we talk about it.

However, let me say this. We need to erase the stigmas that come with mental health. How do we do that? We talk. So, let’s start a conversation. Let’s get talking.

That’s the first step to getting better.

It’s Takes Two To Tango

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the specific role that one plays in the relationship. What are the roles that I speak of? Well, you know. Those old fashioned ones, such as the man is the one that drives and pays.

Those are the ones that existed over fifty years ago. And, yes. As a woman, I will say it’s nice when a man does those things for me. In particular, the wooing stage of the relationship is when it’s crucial.

Let me ask you this though — what happens when you’re in a relationship? You know, a steady and stable relationship?

I think that’s the time when you begin to realize one thing — it should be 50/50. Relationships are a two way street. Both partners — no matter what their gender is — should want to put equal amount of effort into it. After all, if you both are in this thing together, you both should work at it together.

There are several ways to which this could be done. For example, you can rotate who does the driving and whoever doesn’t do the driving pays for the meal.The only exception to this would be if someone’s car is in the shop, or if it’s someone’s birthday. Or, you can both split the check — meaning that one person pays for dinner, and the other dessert. It depends on what works for your relationship, so it’s on a case by case basis.

Furthermore, I honestly don’t understand why those ideas exist in the first place. I think it’s important for both parties to go out of their way to make their special someone smile. That’s what keeps the relationship going and growing.

And, ladies let me ask you this — sure it’s important to be spoiled by your guy. But, he wants to be spoiled in return. And, he deserves it. After all, he’s a guy. Not a personal ATM. But, that’s a whole different argument altogether.

Therefore, I think if you’re going to be in a relationship — man, woman or agender — then you should be prepared for the effort it takes.

Guilt Manifesto

There are too many I wishes in life.

Too many regrets,

too much time reflecting on what could be done,

and moments where you wish you can do something differently.

I should have known this was going to happen.

I should have come by,

I should have said “I love you more,”

I should have tried to move on past 20 years of mistakes.

Only I did not.

Now it may be too late.

I remember why I’m angry,

and realize that maybe the angry isn’t worth it.

I realize that I may never get a chance to call you, or talk to you.

I realize that maybe I was wrong to push you away and dismiss you.

But, then I remember the fact you didn’t try to move past it too.

You still did your actions in an endless cycle.

You still took sides.

Maybe we’re both at fault here.

Maybe we’re the victims in the devil’s selfish war path.

Maybe we’re unsure how to act,

so we’re taking our sides based on what’s safe.

Maybe we’ll never be perfect,

but perhaps somehow we can erase the devil’s handiwork.

If we did it earlier, maybe we could have been better.

But the maybes in life are not reality.

But, that’s all we have left —

the comfort of what could have been.

If you ask me, it’s better than reality.

Don’t Knock It Til You Try It! Positive Thinking Really Works!

One of the biggest cliches out there is to stay positive whenever you’re having a bad day, and somehow things will get better. I always questioned that mentality. I mean, how could you maintain a positive attitude at all times? After all, there are some days that it can be difficult.

For example, yesterday I was having an awful day. I woke up and was feeling awful — I had a terrible stomach ache and had a headache. Despite my illness, I decided to go into work, and try my best at the tasks I was assigned to do.

It was a struggle, I will admit. However, deciding to just say hello to people and smile changed my entire outlook. I went out of my way to help others, whether it was holding doors for them or greeting strangers in a coffee shop. I kept on reminding myself that “while I feel like crap now, I will get through it and go home to rest.” And, I decided to treat myself to a nice lunch.

Those little things made a huge difference. While it didn’t change how I was feeling physically, it changed how I approached things. I think that’s crucial, because instead of dwelling on how I was feeling, I was focusing on doing something for the greater good and trying to feel good. It worked, because while I was still feeling awful, I attacked my day with a positive mindset.

So, at the end of the day, we have those two options: to complain or try to be positive. For me, this seems to be the one that works much better. But, that’s just my opinion.

With that being said, it has become a pet peeve of mine when someone complains or continues to dwell on the negative. I hate to break it to you, but you’re not going to get much accomplished or even feel good if you continue to do so. Furthermore, if you’re not doing whatever your best to try to get to change that situation, chances are you’re going to continue to be in it.

So, with that being said, I invite you to look at things with a positive outlook like I did yesterday. And, while things might not be ideal right this second, give yourself the right tools to help you power through it. Chances are, you’ll have a sunnier outcome.

Whose Right and Whose Wrong?

Have you ever heard someone said that in a relationship, the woman always wins because she is always right — no matter what? I’ve been hearing that an awful lot lately, and to be honest, I don’t agree with that.

Why?

Because I’m a woman. And, I’ve been wrong on more than one occasion. And, to have a relationship where a partner feels like they have to give into their partner because they should be right isn’t the way a relationship should be. There are going to be instances where both parties are going to be wrong. That is perfectly okay.

Back in high school, I had this friend whose boyfriend was whipped — for lack of better word. He constantly had to agree with her, or else she would get mad. And, he had to check in with her whenever he wanted to do something.

Can I be honest? That’s not a healthy relationship if you have to submit to your girlfriend. Just saying. Your boyfriend is not a dog. He shouldn’t have to obey your every command.

Going off of that, in relationships it’s really not about who is right or who is wrong — for me, anyways. It’s not about winning an argument. Instead, I think it’s about trying to understand the other person, and getting a better grasp on how to understand them.

You know that couple I mentioned earlier? Well, they would argue until the guy would give up and say you’re right honey. Then it would be all good with them.

Let’s face it — there is no such thing as a perfect relationship without argument. Every healthy relationship has them. But, the thing is, you’ve got to know how to argue productively.

But, wait. How do you argue productively?

Arguing productively means that instead of trying to be the person that is right, learning to understand your partner a little better. That means listening to them, and how they are feeling. That means using statements that begin with ‘I feel’ rather than accusatory ones. And, instead of it being a competition, the goal should be to come out of the argument a stronger couple.

Personally, that goal is a whole lot healthier than constantly having to say you’re right, honey all of the time. But, that’s just my opinion.

Can we just aspire to have healthy relationships and be merry?

The Story of a Relationship

Begin.

It was an early crisp fall day.

Some say that January 1st is the day of new beginnings.

I think that the new school year is a time of tabula rasa.

You sat right next to me.

One day, you said hi.

I wondered if you were always sitting there.

Or, were you something that I noticed now that the surroundings have become familiar?

I didn’t know that by a simple breath, a simple hello.

That I didn’t want to ever say good-bye to you.

Will you ask me?

Will you ask me to be your girlfriend?

Will you ask me to the movies, where who knows what happens in the dark?

Will you do more than gaze at me and never let your feelings known?

What are we?

Are we more than friends?

You smell awfully nice for me to be just a friend.

You paid for my ticket.

What the hell is going to happen next?

The day after December.

I went to your house.

My friend drove me.

Your friend liked her.

For the first time, I thought that maybe this could be something.

I wondered what was going to happen next as you hugged me goodbye.

And comforted me later, as I cried.

You were something.

You suddenly began slipping away.

It was gradual.

I started to notice.

I wondered if it was because of me.

Or was it because of the ghost that haunts your closet.

The demons were too strong for me to compete.

So I took a step back.

Noticed how much you truly were eclipsed with a sea of darkness.

I wanted to be your superhero.

I wished I could take it all away.

However, the battle was meant for you to fight.

I didn’t know when to run.

All of the signals were there.

Yet, I was too stupid to ignore them.

It took one sentence to change my mind about you.

Someone who I thought was good and pure.

Someone who I thought would always have something nice to say.

I didn’t want to think about you.

It hurt that I choose someone who wasn’t you.

It felt like I wasn’t good enough for someone perfect.

I wondered would I ever find that complete perfection?
Or would it be something that I would look at through a glass?

I didn’t know if I ever would achieve that.

I avoided you.

I avoided thinking about you.

If I saw you, I would run away.

That got old.

So, one day I approached you.

I faced my fear head on.

I then wondered what I saw in you.

I look back and feel like that was a lifetime ago.

I managed to come back from you, forever realizing that you are vanilla.

Yes you were perfect.
But your perfection was a result of striving to be perfect.

I will no longer be haunted by your memory.

And, I am now over the blue eyes I once thought were attractive.

Our story is over.

But my own is still happening.

What’s Wrong With Taking a Bubble Bath?

Recently, I read quite a few articles about self care being more than just bubble baths. While I agree with that, I must bring up one important question — what’s wrong with taking baths to help you get to self care?

My answer? Absolutely nothing.

But, let me say this: it is definitely more than a bubble bath.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how I can incorporate self care in my daily routine. Self care is the psychological equivalent to taking your vitamins and drinking water. If you don’t do it, chances are that you’ll end up an awful human being. Well, not awful, but someone who is stressed out and depressed.

Furthermore, let me also add this — self care is the thing that we use to keep us healthy in a holistic sense. It’s about going to your therapist if you need to see one. It’s about learning to set boundaries, making time to work out, and choosing a salad every once in a while.

Self care is something that differs from person to person. For me, self care consists of curling up with a good book in the morning to enjoy with my coffee. For me, self care is getting a discounted bath bomb from Marshalls and relaxing for ten minutes. For me, self care is writing my blog posts and writing my stories. It is about taking a breather from my daily responsibilities for two minutes and taking a moment for myself, and not feeling bad about doing so.

I think we need to learn how to take that breather. But, we also need to learn how to get to a point where we are truly taking care of ourselves and trying to make sure that we are taking those crucial steps to get there.

And for some, that might very well mean a bubble bath with a candle.

I’m relaxing just typing those words.

So, the moral of the story?

Don’t discount the bubble baths as a method of self care.

Top 13 Of My Favorite Song Lyrics

Song lyrics are their own breed of poetry. While most of the music in today’s music (at least in my opinion), is geared towards radio plays, there’s something about a song that holds poetic and is beautiful meaning. Lyrics often have the power to inspire you to get through what’s bothering you, or to relate to whatever is bothering you.

Over the years, there are many lyrics that have continued to touch me or really capture me. So, I’ve decided to compile them in this list.

I won’t break/I won’t bend/But someday soon we’ll sail away/to innocence/and the bitter end — Simple Life — Elton John
If our love is a circus, then you’d be a clown by now — I’m Still Standing — Elton John
You got to lose to know how to win — Dream On — Aerosmith
I never thought I’d lose/I only thought I’d win/I never dreamed I’d win/I never dreamed I’d feel/this fire beneath my skin/I can’t believe you love me/I never thought you’d come/I guess I misjudged love/between a father and his son — The Last Song — Elton John
You write such pretty words/but life’s no storybook — Lover I Don’t Have To Love — Bright Eyes
I am human and I need to be loved just like everyone else does — How Soon Is Now? — The Smiths
It’s always darkest before dawn — Shake It Out — Florence and the Machine
I can get by without a man’s wealth/I could do bad my damn self — Il Na Na — Foxy Brown
I’ve poured out the pleasure/dealt with the pain/standing in a station/waiting in the rain/I’m starting to feel a little muscle/love is lost like a runaway train — Runaway Train — Elton John
I’d believe in anything were it not for you/showing me by just existing this is true/I love you, I love you/without question/that’s true — Without Question — Elton John
I believe in love/love is all we got/love has no borders/no boundaries to cross — Believe — Elton John
And suddenly I’m flying/flying like a bird/like electricity, electricity/sparks fly inside of me/and I’m free, I’m free — Electricity — Elton John
You tell me it gets better, it gets better with time/you tell me put myself together/pull it together/you’ll be fine/tell me what the hell do you know/what do you know/how could you know — Til It Happens To You — Lady GaGa