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Make It Happen

My biggest pet peeve is when someone talks about something they are unhappy about in their life that they have the power to change, or make better. This may be in any aspect of life, from where you work, your state of mind to relationships. Chances are, there is something you can do to alleviate that stress or change it. It starts with you.

Throughout my life, I’ve had many shitty things happen to me. To top that off, I also have anxiety. These things were definitely roadblocks in the road to my happiness. Thanks to my therapist and Jen Sincero (the author of You Are a Badass – great read by the way), I have learned just because I have anxiety doesn’t mean that I can’t change or control what is bringing me down.

Whenever I want something – from a job to a boyfriend to an outcome – I ask myself what can I do to get there? I then ask myself what steps I can take to get there.

For example, I want to write a novel — a daunting task. To get the outcome I want – a completed novel – I ask myself what I can do to get it done. I can do NanoWriMo. I can write a chapter a day/week. I can schedule a dedicated writing time, and progress further and further. I have options. I have a plan.

By having a plan is the first step to completing that lofty goal.

This isn’t the only aspect of life that you can apply this mindset to. I have anxiety, which causes a lot of unhappiness. With anxiety, you have two different options. You can either just accept panic attacks as a reality, or you can do what you can to change them. This same philosophy applies to when you are dealing with an awful situation, whether it may be dissatisfaction in a job. You can change it by finding a new one, or doing whatever you can to change the circumstances.

You have the power to change that. It’s up to you.

No matter what you want in life, there’s always a way to change it. You just have got to figure out the steps to get there. And, then you do them.

As the weekend commences, think about what outcome or goal you want to get to. Then, think about what you can do to get there. It may be writing a few pages a day to get that novel done. It may be learning to see the good in everyday to make it stand up against the bad. It may be immersing yourself in getting back out there to meet new people. If you want to go to France, ask yourself how am I going to get to France. Whatever outcome you want, you can make happen.

So, my concluding question is: what’s stopping you?

Life, Post Lent

It has been three days since Easter came and went. My fridge is stocked full of all kinds of Easter treats, but that’s not the only thing the bunny was able to bring. Easter marks the end of Lent, which in turn means that I am now able to buy books once again.

Post Lent Splurge

18010048_397689097282200_1060521860311842699_n — Taken from my trip to Books and Co., located in Hamden, CT.

Yesterday, I decided to treat myself by finally buying some books that I had my eye on for a while. For Easter, I not only got a book from my mom – Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver – but a Barnes and Noble gift card as well. Score.

I was originally intending to go to the bookstore to pick up some books. After all, there’s no better experience than actually going to the store to pick out some books. However, my plans quickly changed when I noticed that books were significantly cheaper online, and there was a 10 percent off your entire purchase coupon. I decided to change my plans and just get them online.
Best decision ever. I ended up getting five books – the first two books in the Infernal Devices series by Cassandra Clare, the Infinite Sea, The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight, and This is What Happy Looks Like. The price? $33 for all five.

But, I didn’t stop there.

I still craved to go to a bookstore. So, I went to Books and Company, a used bookstore not too far from my house. The books are half off list price. And, to top that off, I had some trade credit. I bought three more books for less then $10 – Speak, The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer, and Something, Maybe.

18010144_397689113948865_1143638082653723079_n — My loot from Books and Company!

It’s safe to say that I have a lot of reading to do. But, I am looking forward to reading each new book.

Reflection

It has been a long 40 days, but I was able to get through it. I only managed to slip up twice: Saint Patrick’s Day, and a week before Good Friday. Even though it does count against me, I’d like to think that I still made progress in kicking my book addiction. I managed to read 11 books in that 40 day time period, and am currently reading The Fifth Wave. Of those books, eight of them have been sitting on my shelf for years.

17796419_391901641194279_1022950677336407443_n — The book from my last ‘cheat day’!

I also was able to figure out what books I wanted to part with, and ended up making room for some new books.

Not buying books for a period of time helped me realize just how much money I was spending on them. Sure, I could use the library. However, there’s something about owning my own books. I like having the option to read them again and again and my leisure.

However, I do realize that there comes a point where I should think before I buy them. That is something that I should apply to every time I buy anything, but I would buy a book every time Barnes and Noble offered a coupon or sale. Sure, I would read them. But, I would neglect the books that have been sitting around my house for years. And, that’s not good either.

From now on, I will try to read as many as I can — before being tempted to buy more. On average, I read about 1-2 books a week. Sometimes, I read books in a day. Sometimes, it takes me ten days to go through a book. With that being said, I want to be more mindful of what I haven’t read, before I add to the pile.

Overall, this exercise served its purpose – I managed to knock some of my books off of the to read list, and I was able to save some money. I am so proud of myself because of that, and so excited to get some new books.

Total books read: 11

Books: The Bermudez Triangle, Queen of Shadows, Charlotte’s Web, Career of Evil, Audrey Wait!, Beautiful Creatures, Between the Lines, The Magnolia Story, Fairest, Home to Italy and Killing Monica.

The Importance of Enjoying Life

Recently, I read the book Home to Italy by Peter Pezzelli. As I was reading it, it got me thinking about something.

From what the book said, life seemed completely different then it is in the U.S. Every afternoon, the entire town shuts down for a while to rest and eat lunch. Here in America, some don’t even take their 30 minutes for lunch.

Which one of us has it right?

Here in Connecticut, we’ve had some unbelievable weather with the sun finally sticking its head out of the clouds, and temperatures souring into the 80s. I began to develop a severe case of spring fever. Therefore, I flocked to every local park to enjoy every blissful ray of sunshine that I could.

17884581_10212748354452107_7795926665471444710_n — Wharton Brook State Park in North Haven, Conn. — what a lovely lake!

During one of my walks, I realized something. For about three years, I was completely engrossed in two things – work and school. Those two things took over my life, and resulted in a completely stressed out college student. I never did anything for the fun of it. I did things to add onto my resume.

As I head into this new phase in my life – where I would be essentially figuring out my next place in this world – I want to spend every second I can enjoying the beauty that life allows us to. I mentioned this earlier on, when I wrote the post The Little Things. But, why can’t we incorporate those mindsets in our daily lives?

I think we need to take a page in Italy’s book. Life is too short to live in a cycle that consists of work and education. There is so much true beauty in the world, beauty that can be overlooked. By doing this, it will help us become happier beings, and more holistic beings. This in turn will keep us from burning out.

How can we do it?

Start by taking breaks. Take your lunch break, and if it’s nice out, spend sometime outside. Schedule time where you do something fun. Rest when your body tells you to. Schedule a vacation so that you can decompress.

And last but not least – balance. Balance, my friends is the key to life.

Why 13 Reasons Why Should Be Integrated in High School Curriculums

Online bullying, finding out your sexuality, betrayal from friends, suicide, depression, and slut-shaming are some of the issues that were portrayed in the novel turned Netflix series 13 Reasons Why. These are also issues that many high school across America face as well, which is why the novel 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher should be introduced in high school English curriculums.

I’m not saying throw Dickens and To Kill a Mockingbird out the window, as those books are classics. But adding this book along side them offers teens a chance to talk about suicide and bullying. According to Teen Suicide Statistics, suicide is the third leading cause of death among young adults, and is 100 percent preventable — if you recognize the signs. This book allows exactly that.

By introducing it in the classrooms, it opens up a forum to talk about these issues as it pertains to them. Many can relate to what Hannah Baker went through. According to Bullying Statistics, 30 percent of teens are bullied in the U.S. And, teens don’t escape that bullying once they leave school for the day. Thanks to social media, it’s easy for a kid to be bullied 24/7, from the moment they wake up until they fall asleep. Therefore, now more than ever, it’s important to recognize the signs and become aware of the effects of bullying, as suicide is one.

It also helps them become aware of the signs of suicide. This awareness can then help kids notice the signs if they notice a classmate struggling with them, which will in turn help them intervene. Sure, they can Google them. However, I think we should put them in the curriculum for kids to really hammer it in. This message is a bit too important not to.

Hannah Baker was the scapegoat among her classmates. She was betrayed by someone that she thought was her friend and by a guy that she thought she loved. She even reached out to someone, who told her to suck it up.

While Hannah is a fictional character, there are many others who deal with what Hannah did. Bullying is real. Slut shaming is real. And, supposed jokes can hurt. By witnessing what can happen by those words that one thought was a joke can prevent something as tragic as what happened to Hannah.

Integrating this book into the modern high school curriculum may not be the answer to ending teen suicide. With that being said, it does allow it to be brought to the table in a way that teens can relate to it. It gets them talking. And, that is a start.

Ignore The Numbers

When it comes to your body, it seems that everything is measured in numbers – how much you weigh, how many calories you burn or consume, and what your pants size is. By using numbers as a method of comparison, it is easy for those to compare their numbers to others.

There is so much self-hatred when it comes to our bodies. When a friend says “oh, I’m fat, because I haven’t hit the gym in a while,” we are quick to contradict them. When we are in the mirror, we begin to notice our own faults, and tell ourselves that we need to hit the ice cream parlor less, and the gym more. Every single bulge and imperfection is something that should be taken care of.

I think we need to translate the words that we tell our friends into a language that we speak to ourselves. Our bodies aren’t perfect. If each and every one of us had a perfect body, then we would be the same.

So, my question is this: Why are we trying to mold ourselves into perfection? Instead, we should fall head over heels in love with the person that we are versus the person we think we should be. We should fall in love with being healthy and treating ourselves correctly, versus beating ourselves up for every single calorie that we didn’t burn at the gym or getting fries instead of a salad with a meal just that once.

Bodies come in all shapes in sizes, and that’s okay. I think as long as we eat everything in moderation, and exercise regularly, than that’s all that matters. If you want to lose weight, do it for your health — not because you want to fit in a size zero.

Instead, focus on how you feel – not on the sizes and the numbers. Eat a cupcake, run a mile – do whatever you need to do to feel both happy and healthy. And remember this: you are wonderful, no matter what size you are. Learn to love who you are, and what you look like. Why? Because you are pretty damn beautiful. And don’t you forget it.

Why I Refuse To Be A Victim

Raise your hands if you’ve ever been broken up with or suffered the cruel effects of heartbreak. Okay, now keep them up if you met someone new, but still nursed the effects of a broken heart – and, as a result, caused you to keep them at a safe distance away.

Relationships – and life in general – can deal you a bad hand on occasion. Sometimes, you are dealt with something like a bad breakup, anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, physical health issues, and so on. These circumstances can cause you to claim one specific title – the victim.

You see, there are two types of people in any given situation – the people who do something to hurt or offend the other and the person who gets hurt. With that being said, there are plenty of situations where this doesn’t apply such as anxiety or depression.

When going through something traumatic no matter what it may be, you have to stop what you are doing to tend to those wounds, both physical and mental. Otherwise, it will build up to a boulder that can knock you down permanently. But, once the feelings have been felt and the scars begin to fade, the title of the victim should as well. It’s not easy, but with persistence and a few stumbles, eventually you’ll be as good as new.

I know so many people – myself included – that keep perfectly nice people at bay because they are afraid of what happened to them occurring again. Eventually, though, you’ve got to stop playing the victim. You have got to stop letting the scars and minor pain from long ago cloud how you approach current situations.

Today, I am going to do just that. Sure, I have had my share of pain, broken hearts, and shitty situations. But, I am no longer interested in using it as a shield to keep love from pouring in. Instead, I am ready to drop that title, and make it less significant. I want to let that love that I so rightfully deserve into my life and heart. Yes, I have anxiety about it (both literally as a person with anxiety and having anxiety about doing so), but allowing myself to run away from a situation simply because I am not ready to let love in due to fear is no longer an option.

So, I am not a victim. I no longer will allow myself to hide behind the title’s crown. Instead, I am a survivor. And, I am not going to let anything – my past, my anxiety, or anything else for that matter – get in my way. Why? Because, I deserve it. I deserve to feel love, and playing the victim won’t get me there.

And so, let’s try to stumble out from what hurt us and look at the world with fresh eyes. By allowing it to keep us down only does one thing — let it win. And, screw it, I deserve to win. Not my broken heart. Not the person who caused it. Not my anxiety. Nothing will get in my way from being happy.

The Little Things

This past weekend had some of the nicest weather that we’ve seen in a while. I’m talking about the sun finally coming out of hibernation, and for the first time, it truly felt like spring.

While I was sipping on my Starbucks Pink Drink (for those of you who want to know what exactly the pink drink contains, it’s basically a Strawberry refresher with coconut milk – I highly recommend), I began to think about something. Some call this stopping and smelling the roses.

There are only x amount of nice weather days a year. There are only about 180 days of spring and summer weather – days where the sun emerges for the first time and you can go outside without having to wearing a parka and gloves. With that being said, we must take advantage of every day where the sun is shining and the weather is above 60 degrees. Because, these seasons only are allotted this amount of time. Therefore, you can’t take it fore granted.

17798991_10212720772242569_1477292544269679095_n — A picture I’ve taken while taking a walk through East Rock Park — a great way to enjoy the warm spring weather!

That same thing applies to life. How often do we think about the bigger picture, practically worrying about something ending or going wrong, or about something that we don’t know if we have a cause to worry about? How often do we do that, and then forget to enjoy the little moments of everything? The sweet taste of the Starbucks latte that you are enjoying, the taste of the lips of the person that you’re kissing, or the sunshine on a wonderful spring day. Those are the moments that you often lose sight of, because you are worrying about your finals, not finding a job, or the relationship ending.

It’s safe to say that my Starbucks drink had come with a side of insight.

So, on this wonderful Monday (yes, an oxymoron, but Mondays could in fact be wonderful), I challenge you to enjoy every sip of your morning coffee. I encourage you to take a moment and enjoy the rays of the spring season. I encourage you to think about the day, and not about the future. I encourage you to think about the date you’re having, and not worrying whether or not the relationship will last. I myself am guilty of some of these things, but I am going to do my best to make sure that I enjoy the little delights of life. And, perhaps, this will translate to the larger areas of my life, which in turn allows me to be present for today.

Lent Update 3

I can’t believe there’s is only ten days left of Lent. I also can’t believe that other then one cheat day that I actually stuck with the whole not buying books thing for 40 days. For a bookworm like me, that is actually quite impressive.

Of course, I’ve been tempted. I’ve been getting so many coupons from Barnes and Noble that are all just screaming for me to buy the latest and greatest in YA. Whenever I get those coupons, I delete them promptly to avoid further temptation. Then, of course, whenever I go to the grocery store, I can’t help but browse the best sellers – only to leave them behind when I remember that I still have a few more weeks until I could replenish my library with some fresh books.

Not buying books has had one benefit – I get to finally read books that have been sitting on my shelf for who knows how long. Since starting this little challenge, I’ve read about six books. I also decided that I didn’t want to keep two of them, creating room on my shelf for books that I might actually want, and fell in love with the other four.

Now that there’s only ten days left in Lent, I have about four or five books that I have yet to read, but want to. The other day, I actually went to my bookcase and took inventory of everything that I had read and have not read. The grand total? Three books, which are A Beautiful Mind by Sylvia Nasar, Beloved by Toni Morrison, and Home to Italy by Peter Pezzeli. I hope that by the time Lent is over I can get that total down a few more books, but we’ll see.

17798937_390066024711174_8983449451124613092_n — The Magnolia Story — featuring a delicious coffee and scone!

I am currently reading The Magnolia Story by Chip and Joanna Gaines. The book was actually a Christmas gift that I had given my mother last year, and she finally got around to reading. While waiting in line to pay for the book, I began to read part of it, and fell in love. Now that she finished reading it, I decided to pick it up myself. After that, I plan to read Home to Italy, The 5^th Wave, or Fairest. We’ll see.

Now that I can see the finish line, I am figuring out what I should do to celebrate my victory. The best solution that I could think of was to pay a visit to the Second Hand Prose Bookstore – a bookstore located in the Miller Library in Hamden, CT. I love that bookstore for two reasons. The first is that everything is so reasonably priced – the most that I pay for a book is about $2. The second is that the proceeds benefit library programs. How awesome is that!

It is likely that the next time that I update you all on my progress will be when Lent is over. Crazy how time flies isn’t it?

Read: The Bermudez Triangle, Queen of Shadows, Charlotte’s Web, Career of Evil, Audrey Wait!, Beautiful Creatures, and Between the Lines.

Currently Reading: The Magnolia Story

Up Next: Fairest, The 5^th Wave, or Home to Italy.

Attracting Positive Vibes

In life, there are some people who just seem to be negative, and weigh you down instead of lifting you up. Those are the people who often spend their time looking at the glass being half full instead of empty, using the social media as a blank canvas for their complaints, and insert negativity into the world rather than positivity.

I’ve had friends who are like that. Every time that I would go out with them, I would feel ten pounds heavier after. These are the friends who are the drama queens, the ones who get more out of life by trashing others behind their backs. When I was in upper high school and lower college, I would find it amusing. Then, as I began to fall into the rabbit role of the effects of anxiety, I began to see them clearly. Instead of finding my outings with those friends to be amusing, I began to dread them in the way you would a dentist appointment. I then realized that it was because of how I left every encounter, every coffee date, and every shopping trip. Therefore, I realized it was time to leave those friends behind.

Someone, maybe my therapist or Buddha I can’t remember, once said positivity attracts positivity. I believe that is true. By cutting the negative people out of my life, I am realizing that I am left with one thing – positive vibes.

By cutting the negative people out of my life, I soon evolved into an entirely different person. I became happier, and looked to enjoy the positive things in my life. You see, by hanging out with people who are negative, you become negative. By surrounding yourself with positivity, you become positive. It’s not rocket science. It’s just simple.

However, how can we become more positive beings? Leaving the friends who are negative influences is only one way. But, there is so much more you can do. You can look at the bright side of things, even when there is pouring rain outside and everything is wrong. You can learn to treat yourself well, by spending time alone in libraries and cafes. You can make time to do things that you love, such as reading books or magazines in subjects that interest you, doing crafts, and doing the things that make you smile. That way, you too can become more positive. It’s that easy.

And the more that you fall in love with your life, the less negative you’ll become, which will spread to those who you are surround yourself with.

So, yes Mondays pretty much suck. However, they don’t have to be. Start by looking at the positive in every situation. I can guarantee that you’ll find happiness in it.

The Art of Being Present

Last week, I visited my college campus to pick up my diploma (long story, but my original one was damaged in the mail). And, it got me thinking.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about my time at Southern. When I was in college all I could think was oh, how I can’t wait to graduate. I pictured my post grad life to be heavenly: I would be working only one job, as opposed to three, where I would be making a decent amount of money. No classes, no online internships, no many part time jobs. And it will be great.

Oh, how I was wrong. For the past few months, all I craved was a chance to go onto my campus and do college all over again. I missed it all. I missed knowing what to do, and what my role as a student was. I miss meeting friends, and hanging out with them. I miss taking classes, believe it or not, especially with those who shared the same passions for English and journalism that I had.

A year ago, if I had told you that I would miss college, then I would have thought that you were off your rocker.

Upon reflecting on this, I realized something. In both instances, I am not present. When I was in college, all I wanted to do was graduate. Now that I am in college, all I want to do is go buy a super expensive textbook. And, while I am wishing that I was somewhere else in time, I am not enjoying the cheap thrills of today.

With that, I am realizing something. I am not happy looking ahead or behind. I am ignoring the simple thrills of today, and am not savoring the sweetness of everyday life.

One of my goals is to be more present. You hear that everywhere — in self help books, or in any article about anxiety. But, what does that mean?

I don’t know what the Webster definition of it is, but I’ll tell you mine. For me being present consists of enjoying the daily luxuries, such as great lattes, taking advantage of the sun’s rays when it’s nice outside, and cuddle sessions with my dog.

By enjoying the little things and savoring them, I think it’s one of the ingredients in the recipe for happiness. After all, anxiety occurs when you are looking too far ahead into the future, and depression occurs when you are living solely in the past. Therefore, by living in the present, by being present, one can somehow be on the road to happiness.