A Letter to the Guy Who Wrote the Total Frat Move Listicle

To the author of the Total Frat Move Article,

I appreciate reading your list of what makes the perfect college girlfriend. I am so sorry, but my love handles and I would rather lick the railing of a subway in New York City then put my mouth within a five-mile radius of your genitals.

Your misogynist rhetoric and perception of women astound me. I wonder if you, Mr. narcissistic Greek Letter wearing, natty ice drinking, Trump supporting ass even had a relationship in your lifetime. And, even if you did, I would like to send that poor girl a sympathy card, because she must be scarred for life. Either that, or she’s really smart to dump your sorry ass before it’s too late. I also wonder what makes you think that you could actually land a girl, but that’s not the main point here.

Based on the article you wrote, I can tell that your ideal girlfriend will be expected to bow down to you, fan you when you are hot, and feed you grapes. She would give you endless blowjobs, and look like the perfect ten (both with clothing and without) for you at all times so you can always be turned on. This girl will put up with your stupid and drunken frat boy antics, and let you run the show. She will shut up and not talk to you about anything meaningful, because God forbid if she ever disturbed your drunken existence with a thought that isn’t about how to do you better. And, she will be hairless, and pass the expectations that you set for her appearance.

Basically, you want to be treated like a king, and your partner is going to be the peasant.

But, what really bothers me is the amount of double standards you mention throughout the article. You are allowed to have sex with all of the partners that you want, however, you expect that a woman should not. The only time that she should do anything slutty would be in your presence. You expect that a woman should always be a size zero, but you will drink so much beer that you will have a beer gut. And, you say ‘you’re not my mother,’ yet you then go on to ask that she takes care of you whenever your dumb ass has too much to drink.

I don’t think you want a girlfriend. I think you want a Barbie doll, someone without any original thought, and whose only focus is to maintain a perfect body and appearance – in addition, to pleasing you sexually.

Reading your list honestly scares me. It frightens me that there are guys out there with that exact mindset. If every guy out there was like you, I could only predict mayhem for this country. And, the sense of entitlement – that you deserve to get whatever you want and whoever you want – scares me the most. When a woman says no, it wouldn’t mean stop – it would mean yield and keep going. Women deserve to be treated with respect, and I would like to know where you got the notions that they should be treated otherwise. Here’s some advice for you, bro — treat your girlfriend like you would treat your mother. Because, chances are you wouldn’t talk or expect others to treat your mother like that.

To be honest, you sound like a creep, jerk, and a pervert. So, please take your oversized pick up truck (which I’m sure is to compensate your lack of something else . . . you know what I mean), and go learn a thing or two about how to treat a woman. Chances are, until you do, you’ll end up drunk and alone every weekend and live a life without meaning. And, if that appeals to you, then good luck with that.