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A Letter to Those About to Graduate

Take a moment. Breathe.

Yes, I know that life is stressful for you now, especially with finals and trying to figure out what the next chapter of your life will be. For some of you, it may be out to the workforce. For others, it’s grad school, law school or medical school. The opportunities are endless for you, even though you are overwhelmed by them.

I know that this is crazy, but try to push the thought of needing to know the next step out of your head. It’s easier said then done, but here’s the thing – you’re about the graduate college. Trust me when I say this, this is a really big deal. All of the stress, hard work, and sleepless nights are worth it. You’re about to become a college graduate.

Six months ago, I was in your shoes. I applied to jobs while balancing final papers and projects. However, while I was lucky to be offered a full time position the week before I graduate, I quickly learned it takes a while to find a job that works for you. So, don’t worry about not having a position as you walk the stage. As cliché as it sounds, everything happens for a reason, and you’ll walk the path that was carved out solely for you.

In the meantime, just enjoy the last wave of college. Enjoy every last second of having your friends with you down the hall or in the same place, because once you walk the stage, it’s going to be hard to see those faces again. Cherish every moment and celebrate every ‘last.’ If you don’t, then you’ll easily let those moments go and you can’t get them back. Photograph every second, and soak in the emotion of the day, because it’s over just as fast as it came.

And yes, you’re going to make mistakes. Yes, it’s going to take some time to get used to the very fact that you’re not a student anymore – believe it or not, it’s going to take some time to adjust. That’s perfectly okay. Chances are, it took some time to adjust to being a college student. But, as you got through that change, you’ll get through this one.

Lastly, congratulations. This is your time. This is your day. You deserve to celebrate every moment of it, because you did it. You survived college. Not many people can pull that one off.

I’m going to leave you with a quote from Monica from Friends: “Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re going to love it.”

Congratulations class of 2017!

11 Mantras Everyone With a Mental Illness Needs to Hear

Having a mental illness – or even just going through a rough time – can be the most isolating thing on the planet. It is like you are in a downwards spiral, and have no way out of it.

With that being said, it’s hard to think that there will be an end to the suffering and the pain that you are dealing with. So, I’ve decided to provide a list of mantras for those who are going through a mental illness or a rough time to serve as reminders that you truly can get through it.

I am worth it.
I can beat this.
I am worthy of love.
I am strong.
I am beautiful.
Everything is going to be okay.
I am loved.
It is okay not to be okay.
I am going to get through this.
My best is good enough.
I am good enough.

A Thank You Letter to All of My Teachers

It’s Teacher Appreciation Week, and I wanted to take the time to say thank you for all that you’ve done for me.

Thanks to you, I know am enriched with the beauty of knowledge. Thank you to my elementary school teachers for teaching me to appreciate the adventures between the pages of great books. Thank you to my music and art teachers for helping me figure out that I lack artistic/musical talent, and to help give me an appreciation for those who do. Thank you to my history teachers for learning the important dates and events that helped shape our country to be where it is today. And lastly, thank you to my college professors who gave me the foundations to obtain the skills to progress my career and make my dreams come true.

No matter what stage of my career as a student we’ve crossed paths, you’ve given me the nutrients and the water to help me blossom. Thanks to your involvement in my learning experience, I now have an appreciation for the value of a holistic education. Being in your classroom has not only taught me the skills I need – it also taught me what I needed to know to improve them.

I may be done with school for the time being, however, I still possess a hunger for learning. This is why I tear through novels day in and day out, and pay attention to the news as much as possible. I believe that all began while sitting at a desk in your classroom.

I probably didn’t thank you when you were a part of my life, so I am going to take the time to do so now. Thank you. Thank you for helping me get something so much more out of something than the basics. Thank you for never giving up on me when I struggled to understand the formulas for algebra. Thank you for helping me appreciate the combination of beautiful prose written by many of the great writers, and for the curiosity to look for the meaning behind them. Thank you for critiquing me to become a stronger writer.

But, most of all, thank you for being my teacher. I am proud to call myself one of your former students.

Not Tonight Dear, I Am Having A Panic Attack: Anxiety and Dating

As a person with anxiety, it is safe to say it has had an impact on my relationships. When I was in my previous relationship, it was when my anxiety was in full swing, and panic attacks were a regular occurrence. However, I was really lucky to have a boyfriend who was supportive and did whatever he could to help me with dealing with it.

While I am lucky to have minor anxiety now, it still exists. I am unsure how anxiety will play out in my next relationship. But, I learned enough about it over the years to give advice to couples that may have to deal with anxiety.

Note: While this post mainly talks about anxiety, these tips pertain to all mental illnesses, from eating disorders to depression.

Talk it Out

With all relationships, you need to communicate, as communication is key. When it comes to my anxiety, I pretty much am an open book and am completely honest with my partner, or a potential one. If not, then you are putting on a façade of someone you may not actually be. Since my anxiety is a part of me, I like to take the time to have a thoughtful conversation about it with my partner. In that conversation, we’ll discuss things such as what makes me anxious? What are my triggers? What is my role in this anxiety thing, and what can I do to help?

One thing that my former partner and I did was go to therapy together to have an open space to discuss anxiety. I believe that it was a helpful thing for us to do, because it induced productive and effective conversation, and is a worthwhile option for those who are willing. However, therapy is a private thing – meant only for the indexed individual. So, if you don’t want to have your partner sits in on a session, then that’s okay too.

Be Supportive

With that being said, always do what you can to show your support for them and their journey. This can be something as simple as hugging your partner while they hit a low, asking them about their therapy session, or just reminding them that you’re here for them.

While the ideal partner is always supportive, it is especially important for when your partner has a mental illness.

It’s Not One-Sided

Sometimes, sadly, a relationship can be consumed with anxiety. It can be overwhelming for anyone to deal with anxiety, especially the loved ones of that person – I am not going to lie. However, it is important to remember that your partner does care about you as well, and wants you to take the time that you need for yourself.

While it is up to you how you prioritize how you divide your time, it can be overwhelming when you constantly feel like you are on call for your partner. Newsflash, you are not a doctor. So, Be sure that you take care of yourself. Play your video games, go for that run, or do whatever it is you do for fun.
In addition to that, do not be afraid to be honest with your partner. If you feel overwhelmed, tell them. I definitely understand, and to be honest, I would want my boyfriend to tell me how he’s feeling.

Just Be There

Sometimes, all we need is a hug and someone to tell us that everything is going to be okay when the world feels like it’s crashing down on you. You may have to do this a lot sometimes, but trust me, it does not go unappreciated.

Be Understanding

You might not understand what a panic attack feels like, or the effect it has on the person going through one until you see your partner stare off into space while kissing you because they are scared and feel unsafe. This is especially true if you yourself have never dealt with anxiety. However, all you can do is just understand and be patient. And, if this does happen to you, kiss their forehead and remind them that it will truly be alright.

Remember They Are More Than Their Anxiety

I am much more than my anxiety. I am a writer, a photographer, a person, a bookworm, and so much more. Mental illness, especially the label, does not define the patient. Remember that they are much more than that, and they too are human. So, whatever you do, be sure to remember that there is more to them.

A Letter To Those Who Doubted Me

Dear all,

Guess what? You didn’t break me. You didn’t cause me to stop trying, to stop shooting for the stars, and to reach my goals. You may have inflicted doubt on me, which caused me to believe that I am incapable of reaching my goals, but despite your attempts, I will never give up.

You tried to bring me down. And, you may have caused me to spend some time feeling sorry for myself, and wallowing in self-pity with some Netflix and some cookies.

But, that isn’t going to happen anymore.

So, to the boy that broke my heart, guess what I still believe that I am worthy of love, and that I will find an amazing partner. To the professor who said that I wasn’t a good writer, guess who is making a living as one. To the boss whose words cut me down with their doubts, guess who is making strides to being a journalist.

That’s right – me.

You all were just roadblocks in my success. And, when I do reach that point, I promise to be as obnoxious about it as humanly possible. Because, despite what you may have done or said, I am still going to shine.

So, thank you for breaking my heart, for telling me that I am not good enough, and for doubting me. Because of your doubt, the pain that you caused, and the amount of times that you said that I couldn’t do anything, you made me want to get to the top that much more. And, once I get there, I will appreciate it that much more.

I’m going to prove you wrong – just you see.

Ending the Stigma Together

May is Mental Illness Awareness Month, and while it is great to have a whole month devoted to it, I think that every month should be. Anyways, I digress.

Mental illness has come a long way from being damning to being accepted. However, negative stigmas still exist. And, they need to not.

There are so many, myself included, that deal with the effects of a mental illness – whether it may be trauma, anxiety, bipolar disorder or depression. We struggle, and it’s much easier to throw in the towel instead of facing it. But, so many of us choose to be strong, and choose to say I’m broken, but I am not going to let it break me. And, with each passing day we get better. We repair the damage, bloom, and then we grow.

And, with all of us united as one, we too can end the stigma that comes with mental illness.

To all of those who are still struggling, please know that it is okay not to be okay. It is okay to say I need help and to accept it. It is okay to talk to a therapist, who will help you get you back on your feet again. It is okay to cry when you need to. It is also okay to talk about all of the things that are bothering you.

And, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Let’s use the month of May to educate ourselves and others about mental illness and what it is like to have one. Let’s change that stigma and talk about the issues that surround those who suffer with it day in and day out. Let us come together and bridge the gaps, so that no one is truly alone.

Note:

This will be the first post in a series throughout the month to spread awareness for mental illness, particularly anxiety. Stay tuned as we fight to #endthestigma

A Letter to the Guy Who Wrote the Total Frat Move Listicle

To the author of the Total Frat Move Article,

I appreciate reading your list of what makes the perfect college girlfriend. I am so sorry, but my love handles and I would rather lick the railing of a subway in New York City then put my mouth within a five-mile radius of your genitals.

Your misogynist rhetoric and perception of women astound me. I wonder if you, Mr. narcissistic Greek Letter wearing, natty ice drinking, Trump supporting ass even had a relationship in your lifetime. And, even if you did, I would like to send that poor girl a sympathy card, because she must be scarred for life. Either that, or she’s really smart to dump your sorry ass before it’s too late. I also wonder what makes you think that you could actually land a girl, but that’s not the main point here.

Based on the article you wrote, I can tell that your ideal girlfriend will be expected to bow down to you, fan you when you are hot, and feed you grapes. She would give you endless blowjobs, and look like the perfect ten (both with clothing and without) for you at all times so you can always be turned on. This girl will put up with your stupid and drunken frat boy antics, and let you run the show. She will shut up and not talk to you about anything meaningful, because God forbid if she ever disturbed your drunken existence with a thought that isn’t about how to do you better. And, she will be hairless, and pass the expectations that you set for her appearance.

Basically, you want to be treated like a king, and your partner is going to be the peasant.

But, what really bothers me is the amount of double standards you mention throughout the article. You are allowed to have sex with all of the partners that you want, however, you expect that a woman should not. The only time that she should do anything slutty would be in your presence. You expect that a woman should always be a size zero, but you will drink so much beer that you will have a beer gut. And, you say ‘you’re not my mother,’ yet you then go on to ask that she takes care of you whenever your dumb ass has too much to drink.

I don’t think you want a girlfriend. I think you want a Barbie doll, someone without any original thought, and whose only focus is to maintain a perfect body and appearance – in addition, to pleasing you sexually.

Reading your list honestly scares me. It frightens me that there are guys out there with that exact mindset. If every guy out there was like you, I could only predict mayhem for this country. And, the sense of entitlement – that you deserve to get whatever you want and whoever you want – scares me the most. When a woman says no, it wouldn’t mean stop – it would mean yield and keep going. Women deserve to be treated with respect, and I would like to know where you got the notions that they should be treated otherwise. Here’s some advice for you, bro — treat your girlfriend like you would treat your mother. Because, chances are you wouldn’t talk or expect others to treat your mother like that.

To be honest, you sound like a creep, jerk, and a pervert. So, please take your oversized pick up truck (which I’m sure is to compensate your lack of something else . . . you know what I mean), and go learn a thing or two about how to treat a woman. Chances are, until you do, you’ll end up drunk and alone every weekend and live a life without meaning. And, if that appeals to you, then good luck with that.

In Bloom

“Some kind of magic happens late at night

When the moon smiles down at me, and bathes me in its light”

– Brand New Day, Josh Radin

Lately, I have been obsessed with the song Brand New Day by Josh Radin. I first heard the song when a friend from high school sent it to me to soothe me after a breakup with my first boyfriend, but lately it has held a new meaning to me.

As the April showers begin to clear up, it seems almost as if everything is brand new. It seems as if there is an endless plethora of new opportunities, all within reach. The mistakes from winter seem to be washed away, and all that is left is just sunshine and beautiful flowers.

I feel almost as if this season is a brand new day for me. For the first time in God knows how long, I truly feel as if I will be okay. I am peace with what happened in the past, and plan to leave it in the past. Now, I am ready to look and move forward. I am ready to seize every opportunity that I possibly can, and to look at the new ones that I am so lucky to have with a new lense. The world is my oyster; I am ready to take the pearl.

So, in some senses, I am in bloom like the flowers outside. I am done hiding the weight of my mistakes, broken hearts, and anxiety. I am ready to leave that behind for the beauty of a new tomorrow. And to quote the song once more, for the first time, in such a long time, I know I will be okay.

And, that my friends, is such an awesome feeling.

Raise your latte cups and let’s celebrate new beginnings. Let’s embrace every opportunity that comes our way, and let’s try to have a clean slate. For some, this may be just a celebrating a new season. For others, it may be more literal, as you graduate and begin a new chapter. Either way, you too will be okay.

You too, will be in bloom.

Defending My State University Education

For four and a half years, I have called Southern Connecticut State University my home. During that time, I blossomed and grew into the woman that I am today. I learned many different things, both in and out the classroom. And, I met some awesome people along the way. All of that – good stuff.

One of the benefits of attending a state university is its affordability. Thanks to my decision to attend a state college, my tuition was a fraction of what it would have been if I attended the neighboring universities, such as Quinnipiac University, Albertus Magnus College and the University of New Haven. I also commuted for my entire college career, which cut my expenses even further.

I did get a lot of bang for my buck. Each and every one of the 124 credits I took were both interesting and challenging, with maybe the exception of alegebra. I also got to take some fun classes, such as jewelry and metals, and a class that took field trips to the beach.

16002931_10211939052940075_8020764689145274006_n — A shot I took of the SCSU Science Building in fall 2015.

And, as for my major, it is safe to say that I have been challenged. I was lucky to have a team of talented professors to steer me into the right direction as a writer and a journalist. Thanks to them, I was able to gain the skills to navigate the world of journalist. After all, I was able to get a job right before I even graduated. That would not even have been possible if it weren’t for those professors.

With that being said, my status as a commuter didn’t exactly make my college experience peachy keen. For about the first year, I absolutely hated it, and wanted to transfer to a smaller campus. As a commuter, especially as a commuter who didn’t have her license for the first half, it was nearly impossible to make friends. It wasn’t until I began to work on campus and joined clubs such as the Student Newspaper, the Society of Professional Journalists (SPJ), and Sigma Tau Delta Honor Society that I truly felt like Southern was my campus. Because of my involvement, I was exposed to new opportunities, and people that have become a part of my college experience.

I am not writing this as someone who wants to convince and sell the state universities to you. However, it does bother me when people say that state universities are worse than private ones. No, it’s not Yale. However, college is what you make it no matter where you go. So, don’t knock the state university until you truly take a look at it, because it offers the same experience as others. And, with less debt.

That is why I’ll proudly say to whoever asks (or listens) that I am proud to be a Southern Owl.

A Note To My Future Boyfriend

Last week, I read this wonderful article on the Odyssey called “To My Future Girlfriend.”Reading that article inspired me to write my own verision of that article.

Dear Whatever Your Name Is,

I want you to know that I am looking forward to the day we meet, if we haven’t met already. Despite whether or not we are in each others’ lives, I genuinely hope that you are doing well. And if you’re not, I hope that you get to a point where you are.

I am interested in learning how we meet – whether it may be online (as many relationships nowadays consist of people who met online), at a library, through work, coffee shop, grad school or through an event that we both attend. I am looking forward to getting to know you as well. I am looking forward to long conversations, easy laughter, and learning your story and who you are as a person. I am looking forward to smiling like a complete moron, just because I am your girlfriend and you make me laugh like a hyena.

I can’t wait to sit across from you in coffee shops and drink fancy lattes, share meals with you that come with a side dish of easy conversation, and sharing events together such as concerts and parties. Despite the fact that I am eager to share these things with you, I am patient enough to realize that they will come at their own time. Until then, I’ll be able to do those things on my own or in the company of friends. I also want you to know that I am so incredibly lucky to have you in my life, even if I don’t verbalize it often. You are awesome. After all, that is the very reason why I chose to date you, a decision that I will never look back from.

With that being said, I want you to know that I come with my own set of baggage filled with rocks, and scars that grow faint every single day. Those scars, though, still handicap me. I promise to share how I got them with you, and despite their existence, will not let that be a roadblock in our relationship. It may cause me to show hesitation in our relationship, and for that I am sorry. But, I am working on not letting them prohibit me from living my daily life, and hope that you help me grow so we can overcome them together.

In the event we break up, which let’s face it might happen, I want you to know that I can live without you. I promise not to bash you on social media and on my blog, even if you did something shady. I also will cherish the time that we did spend together and respect you, because while our relationship did not last forever, it still existed. It may hurt and take time, but I will move on from that. I will grow stronger from it, because what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

But, no matter what, I want you to know one thing. I am really looking forward to being in your life, whether it may be long or short term. And until we actually meet, this is probably the last time we’ll speak. So, until then, take it easy.
With love,

Natalie