My fitness journey began in June 2020. I went to my physical, and surprisingly gained the “COVID 19.” With a family history of high blood pressure and heart issues, my doctor had asked me to lose weight.
I tried everything. Last year, I joined a few different trainer programs, and my frustrations grew. I wasn’t losing weight. I was gaining muscle, but not much. And those programs became toxic for me and affected my mental health in a downward spiral. I won’t go into specifics, but I felt that if I couldn’t make something, then I wasn’t good enough or serious about my goal to be healthy. Or, I was constantly beaten down whenever I didn’t reach a goal. I became anxious, almost as if I wasn’t good enough. During check-ins, I sometimes felt as if I was a child that was being punished for doing something wrong at school or I wasn’t committed enough by pushing myself to extreme limits. I also wasn’t having any fun, which as someone who loves Peloton Spin classes, was a big deal.
My breaking point was in early February. I needed to make a change. So, I left the groups, and found a new trainer that works amazing for me, which is Sydney Cummings’ The Sydney Squad.
In the last month and a half, my mindset is now shifting. I am almost at the point where I want to throw away my scale. Now, I am not looking at being a certain number or size. I am looking to be strong, be able to do harder workouts, run marathons, and walk a lot. I am looking to be able to do things and improve. Instead of pants size, the only number I am working to reduce is my blood pressure. Don’t get me wrong, I am working to lose weight, but I am no longer making that my sole focus.
I have also accepted that my body is going to change and so will my style. It is not a bad thing whatsoever. For me, that was the hardest thing to do because I wanted to get back to my smaller jeans. Maybe I will one day. But, I rather celebrate and love my body the way that it is and continue to grow in my journey. I also want to make sure I treat my body in a way that shows love, not punishment. That means fueling it with a balanced diet, drinking water, getting my steps in, and working out towards improvement. I also want to be able to savor meals, and let my body rest and heal whenever I need to. Working out has become something that I want to do, not just something I need to check off on my to-do list
Now. Will the scale go down?
I am not going to focus on that as much.
Fitness, at the end of the day, is something that is a lifelong commitment, not something that ends once you lose the weight. It has to be something you do for you, and should bring happiness. Am I still going to push myself towards my goals? Yes. I am not going to lie. However, I am not going to push myself to be skinny. I am just going to push myself to be a better, healthier version of myself. And, this version of myself is much happier than the one in January.