I have been in a relationship for over two years. I can honestly say that I am not the same person who I was when I first entered my relationship. I definitely grew to be more responsible and mature. Same with my boyfriend.
That said, I have began to think about relationships and how they change the person. I don’t know about you all reading this, but I’ve had a few friends who turned into a totally different person since they began dating their significant others.
But is that change a good thing?
In some ways, it is. For instance, if you have some dangerous habits that are unhealthy, and your partner inspires you to not do them anymore, then that’s a good thing. However, I also think that changing is inevitable, as humans tend to not stay the same. We grow. In the case of my boyfriend and I, we were fortunate to grow together instead of apart. Growing together is such a great feeling, because you can turn around and say look how far we’ve come.
Furthermore, another positive change is when someone saying that they don’t like a certain band or a movie, and then when they begin dating that person, they do like it. I think this is a positive change because maybe that person never really listened to that band, because it’s overplayed, or whatever. This then opens your mind to new things, which is never a bad thing.
However, change can also be a bad thing. Throughout the years, I’ve had so many friends do a 180 from who they once were and began to change their values to please that other person. To me, that’s a scary thing to watch. For example, if someone has said that they don’t want to have sex before they get married, and it changes once they meet their partner, that is a change that is not okay in my opinion. To me, it’s a sign of insecurity. Which is not okay, because it shows that you are more focused on keeping the person happy — not you.
Furthermore, I think the biggest not-okay change is changing who you are to please that other person. I’ve seen that happen so many times, and that’s not okay to do either, because it causes you to feel like you as a person are unlovable. If you like something, your partner should support it. For example, my boyfriend always supports me when I want to crochet or read a book. If someone doesn’t like it that you spend time doing xyz, which is something that makes you happy, then you shouldn’t have to give it up or change it. Just saying.
Overall, change is something that we can not avoid due to circumstances and life in general. We mature. We go through stuff. That changes us. And, people change us and inspire us to grow. However, changing the hard core of our personality just to please someone is something that will never be okay.