Why I Think Women Should Have More of a Say In Their Engagement Rings

When my fiancé was getting ready to propose, I asked to be involved in the engagement ring process. One: I hate surprises. Two: It is a piece of jewelry that I will be wearing for the rest of my life, so I wanted to make sure that it was a piece that I really loved. And, out of all of the engagement rings that we looked at, not only did I love it, but it was actually really inexpensive. For those of you who don’t know, I have a morganite ring from SamnSue.

Let me just say this — while this ring is most important ring, it is not about the ring, but rather what it symbolizes. To this day, every time that I look down at my ring, I still think about the night I got engaged to my fiancé. No matter what my fiancé got, I’m sure the same would have happened. However, many people disagree with this and even think that it is inappropriate — and against tradition— for women to pick out their own rings.

I say, the woman is the one wearing it, therefore she should have a say.

As I am writing this, an episode from Sex and the City comes to mind. Carrie accidentally finds a ring in Aiden’s clothes, and automatically hates it. The ring was picked out with help from Carrie’s friend, Miranda. Carrie didn’t say anything to him, however, by the time he got ready to propose, he swapped it out for a different ring (thanks to some nudging from Samantha).

Now, there is a ton of different elements at play when it comes to purchasing an engagement ring. Budget. Quality. And, of course, everyone is different and has a different style.

According to an article on Goldenet, men want to pick it out on their own because they want to make the proposal a huge surprise. The article then goes onto say that usually that ring is chosen based on five different reasons, including: they think it looks good, they think their girlfriend will like it, they think it will fit the personality of their girlfriend, the design and the stone have some significance to them as individuals and of course, it falls within their budget. This practice, the article says, is meant “to show the strength of a man’s feelings and the firmness of his resolve in committing his life to this one woman.”

On the flip side, the article goes onto say that women want to have a say because of aesthetics, style, and because it makes them feel respected.

We all know what side I am on this. But, I think that all women should have a say in their ring — whether it’s showing their partner to be rings on Pinterest to sending links to even going to the store with them. As I mentioned earlier, I picked out my engagement ring. I have zero regrets about it, because not only did I get a ring that I love, but it took a lot of the stress on my fiancé. Instead, of worrying that I wouldn’t like the ring, he instead worried about planning a memorable night (spoiler alert, he did).

However, there are a few other reasons why women’s opinions should at least be considered in this process. The most obvious one to me at least was the size. My fiancé did not know what my ring size was at all. If he had surprised me, chances are he would have gotten the wrong size. I’m sure that there are other ways for someone to find out a ring size (for example, taking a ring you already have), but at least it solves that mystery.

Secondly, it’s 2022. Women have a larger say in the relationship now and demand to be treated like partners. I think by asking someone at least their preferences shows that you care about them and are choosing to listen to them. For me, that is a great foundation to start the marriage. And, honestly, it could prevent you from picking out something that may or may not fit their overall style.

Like my wedding, I am very against tradition. However, I do think that even if someone asks the partner for their opinion, it doesn’t take the element of surprise away from the moment. (Although if you ask “what engagement ring would you like,” it would send off the vibes that you will be proposing soon just saying).

Finally, I want to also bring up the point that everyone’s stance on this is different. Some people I know are more traditional and want the whole thing where the ring is picked out for them. Others want to have a say. Just like every ring is different, so is every couple in which the ring represents. And, that is perfectly okay.

That said, I do want to empathize one thing. At the end of the day, it is not about the ring. It is not how much that the person spent on said ring. It is the love behind it. If my fiancé had proposed to me with a family heirloom that means the world to him, I would love it just as much because it’s showing that he loves me and cherishes me enough to wear something that means the world to him.