This is going to be the second Mother’s Day without my mom. Last Mother’s Day was a hard day for me, because it was the first time that it truly hit me that my mother was gone. This year, Mother’s Day is just going to be different because of the pandemic.
I don’t think that anyone truly understands what it is like to experience Mother’s Day when your mother is deceased unless you do so yourself. For me, it starts when you see advertisements to get Mom the perfect gift. It then dawns on me that I don’t have a Mom to buy a gift for. Sure, I have my grandmother, my boyfriend’s mom, and my stepmom to get gifts for. But, it’s not the same as getting your own mother. It continues until the actual day, when I realize that my mom is not here to go to brunch or to get dinner. Instead, I visit her grave at the cemetery, and drop off flowers.
Before I continue, let me say this: my mom was a single mother. She was one of the best mothers I could have asked for, and we were very close. I’d like to think that she’s cheering me on in heaven with our dog, Maggie and happy to see my growth and progress through life.
And, it hurts that she’s not here.
Last Mother’s Day, my boyfriend, his mom, and I did a Mother’s Day and then had dinner with my grandmother. Due to the pandemic, things are a lot different. I do think that this one will be a lot more challenging for me to deal with, because since there won’t be much to distract me with, I’ll be focusing on my mom no longer being with us.
Honestly, whenever you lose a parent, your holidays are nowhere near the same – from Christmas to a holiday that celebrates that parent. It stirs up emotions, because it reminds you that they are gone forever.
That said, I think that is perfectly okay. I think that many of us often forget that it is okay to feel the strains of grief – even though it may have been a bit of time since the person had died. Grief doesn’t go away overnight. In fact, sometimes it never goes away.
Furthermore, I also try to put things into perspective. I am not the only one out there who lost her mom. And, Mother’s Day is something that is not hard for just me. It’s hard on my grandma, who had to bury her daughter. Even though it doesn’t erase the pain, nor do I understand what others are going through, it does help me to know that I am not alone.