Brides, You Gotta Chill

One of my biggest regrets of 2022 was joining a brides to be 2023 group.

Why?

Well, it is one of the most toxic places on the internet to my knowledge. I personally liked it because it gave me an opportunity to collaborate with other brides and people doing the same things I was. What I was not expecting was the outflow of toxicity and the obsession of detail.

Aka, you know, something that we would like to call bridezillas.

I am choosing to elope versus doing a traditional wedding for many reasons. For me, it has always been about the fact that I am committing to someone versus having the fairytale themed day.

However, I know that I in the minority here.

Some of the posts that I’ve been seeing basically discusses frustrations with bridal party/members, asking others what did they do/not do in a way that’s competing, drama with in laws, and issues with significant others. All of these issues stem around one big thing — their wedding day.

As someone who spent a good portion of her career into customer service, I can say that I get it that people can be frustrating. However, now that’s out of the way, I want to say this: bridesmaids have more obligations than to simply be your bridesmaids at your beck and call. I mean, I get that the word “maid” is in there, but that doesn’t meant that they are yours. They have families, jobs, and obligations that may cause them to miss out of things. Their world doesn’t change just because you are getting married (although they are so excited for you).

And, things happen. To me, these are your friends that you choose to stand by you. Just because they were given/accepted the role, doesn’t change the fact that your role — even as a bride — is to be a friend. Support them like they are choosing to support you. Listen to them vent about anything. Trust me, by doing so, this will insure that they will be your friend at the end of the day and even after the big day is long forgotten about in social media land.

Furthermore, I believe that weddings have become larger than life events that can take away from the meaning. With shows like 4 Weddings and Say Yes to the Dress, it’s easy to fantasize about our own Cinderella moment when we get to plan the day when we ourselves get to be a princess. Many women dream about this day, and this time of our lives. There are so many small — and large — details that makes perhaps the biggest one lost. You’re getting married and you found the love of your life.

At the end of the day, weddings are only one day of our lives. An important one at that, but still.

Now, this doesn’t apply to every bride. I’ve seen quite a few people who are slightly stressed, but excited to be married to their future spouse. Which is what it is meant to be. And, as someone who doesn’t operate well under extreme stress, I can honestly say that I can relate to the fact that sometimes judgements are clouded. But, at the end of the day, it is important to remember what truly matters. No, it is not centerpieces.

However, I feel like by having this drama around you doesn’t set you up well for the marriage. And, that is something that I believe can be forgotten by some. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if you tripped down the aisle, if your centerpieces are off, if your BFF is having a baby, or who attended your bachelorette party. It matters who is by your side. It matters who you’re marrying. And, if you’re like me, it matters that your dog will be with you.

That said, I want to conclude by saying that this isn’t all of the brides out there. It is normal to be stressed out. So, if you are a bride next year, please take a moment and breathe. Trust me, everyone who is about to get married could use a little breathe.