I was listening to a podcast episode of Michelle Reed’s podcast called But What’s Next? and she had her husband on, answering questions. Having run out of ideas (thanks Blogtober), I decided to ask my boyfriend a few questions about his take on our personal relationship and general questions to get a guy’s perspective. That said, I might continue this series, so definitely follow me (and him) on Instagram, for a chance to get your dating questions answered!
1. What qualities made you first interested in me?
Probably kindness, ability to adapt and your ability to communicate. When we first met, you didn’t really know me and we were going on a trip to Stamford for a work event. That trip we got stuck in traffic, and you had a cool calm demeanor, we were able to start to get to know each other. From what I remember, that was one of the few events you worked in your time there.
Those three were keys that really opened me up to getting to know you. Everything that’s been built upon that cornerstone is all thanks to it. Safe to say, the foundation is pretty good.
2. What do you think a relationship needs to have in order to have success?
I feel a relationship needs 3 things: Communication, Patience and Understanding.
Communication is vital because when you can’t express what’s wrong or what’s going on, then there’s less of a chance to find the right path to get back on. Everything in life has a path, and to take a wrong turn because one party can’t or won’t open up can doom a relationship because of a stunt of growth.
Patience is needed, especially when a partner may not be fully out of their shell. Whether it’s for the first time they say I love you, taking a next step in a relationship or deciding on a future, we’re all turtles that have our own habits and shells to hide from the world in. It’s okay to take a little time to decide what to do.
Understanding may be the biggest thing though: we all come with our own pasts that turned us into the people we are, with the habits that we’ve formed over time. Sometimes compromises are necessary and we can’t get what we want, when we want. It’s a two way street that realistically should try to benefit both sides, and sometimes, it results in something being better than expected. I mean it’s happened with us before.
3. What is your advice for couples that are in those initial talking phases? We spent a lot longer in this phase (4 months) than most couples that I know, so I wanted to get your perspective of it.
When in that talking phase be respectful, actually try building towards something. Getting to know a person may be one of the oldest and most cliched way of doing things, but it truly works.
Part of a significant other is the word, “friend,” and you can’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend without that word. That’s not to say that you have to be but it makes the relationship a lot easier, it helps you understand them as people and what makes them tick, for both good and bad.
To add that depth early on before jumping into a relationship is something that’s truly valuable. Once it’s official, it makes the transition a little easier and allows you to build upon it.
4. Do you think a couple should live together prior to getting married?
Absolutely, one hundred percent.
You don’t truly know a person until you’ve really lived together in some capacity. You could love someone and not know their lifestyle, their habits or their tendencies.
It’s easy to say “but we stayed in a hotel for a week,” but that week is more a vacation, no matter what it is; it’s not everyday life. Having spent the last year and half here with you, I can now tell where your “safe places” are, how your prefer certain foods, and the level of cleanliness you try to maintain. I know they’re little things, but those little things can join up to create a big thing after a while.
5. Prior to our relationship, you were single for a while. What is your advice for someone who has been single a lot and is having trouble finding the perfect someone?
Just to be careful and don’t lose sight of everything you want. In this age of app based and internet dating, anybody can pretend to be anything, while saying anything in the hopes of a quick lay. Someone could use Tinder and act like this great person, when the reality is, he was saying it just to “have some fun.”
It’s not worth losing your own psyche over trying to find “that perfect person.” The loneliness may suck, and it could sting, but would you rather that than potentially eat the words of someone promising a future but really just wanting a hook up? The resentment that could come with that, is something that’s not worth it.